77 results for tag: Change Behavior


You Can’t Change Anyone — You Can Only Make Them Think

We can't change anyone who doesn't want or isn't ready to change. While I was still doing drugs and drinking alcohol, many people wanted me to change. They needed me to change. When I got sober in 1989, I often heard a woman named Claire share, "I didn't see the light. My ass was dragging, and I felt the heat"! This was me. The walls were closing in, and I felt like I had no options. I know that I am not alone in this experience of people wanting or needing someone to change, but they weren't ready or willing. More than twenty-five years of being a social worker, counselor, and coach have demonstrated how we can't change anyone who isn't invested in change. But... we can inspire them. We can offer them a new perspective. We can provide safety, support, and love....

Brought Back to Life By A Dance Class

What do we need to be brought back to life? We all get stuck from time to time. The "sparkplug" differs from person to person and depends on where we are in our lives and the circumstances we are experiencing.
"I don’t have a lot of wisdom to offer, but I do know that showing up was an act of self-care." Daphnée
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How Iceland Got Teens to Say No to Drugs – The Icelandic Model

I become excited and inspired when I see concepts, ideas and methods that I use in my work validated by international scientists and authors. The two articles that I have included excerpts, both offer alternative ideas around the use and abuse of alcohol, tobacco and drugs. From my experience, combining these two perspectives is the core of my work with supporting and facilitating shifting patterns, behaviors, obsessions and addictions. I typically integrate these three principles/methods for shifting unwanted patterns and behaviors.
  1.  Exercises supporting the discovery and understanding of our patterns and thinking.
  2.  Explore what we feel connected to, or the lack of connection, to people, animals, friends, family and our environment. Create a plan to improve and expand our connections. (Read Johann Hari's views on addiction and connection at bottom of this post.).
  3. Brainstorm interests, passions and activities that we have either enjoyed in our past, present or would like to explore, including creative expressions,  physical activity, opportunities to connect with the natural world, or anything that inspires or stimulate us. We follow the brainstorming process by implementing some of these interests and activities into our life before or during launching into facilitating the shift in the unwanted behaviors. In short, let's find out what will inspire and stimulate you to replace the patterns, behaviors and addictions that are problematic. (This parallels the process Harvey Milkman researched in the U.S. and implemented in Iceland, discussed in the main article focusing on teens and addiction.)
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Trauma Is Not Your Fault, But Healing Is Your Responsibility

We all come into this life with stuff to unpack and learn.  Some of us have entered life with greater challenges than others.  It can be said that ALL OF US have endured trauma in one form or another. This can mean being neglected as children, being abused as a child, teen or adult, military, sexual assault and rape, alcoholism and drug addiction, poverty, and racial and cultural issues, just to name a few forms of trauma. We all experience these challenges in different ways. It has become very common for self-help and pop psychology "gurus" to present pathology as a singular, logical pattern that explains life experiences through a lens that, in all cases, "this means that" and all people experience "this and that" the same. It is false and damaging to the millions of people who read or hear these claims and wonder why it is not true for them.  We have our shared experiences but in our own unique way. That is one of the joys of being human! No two people experience trauma the same, but there are enough common traits to share and learn from each other and gain support and camaraderie.  I can learn from you and vice-versa.  I remember when my cousin returned from Vietnam; he would not discuss what happened to anyone. Then one day, a friend of his was over, who was also a Vietnam Vet, talked and talked about what he saw and did for hours. We were all surprised after not hearing him speak about it for more than a paragraph after being home for several years.  The same applies to people participating in Twelve-Step or cancer survivors groups. Shared experiences help us feel like we belong and we are not alone. This is important in moving forward through traumatic experiences. ...

Self-Sabotage – I Am Willing To Do Anything… But That

It is very common for clients whom I work with, when asked what are you willing to do to grow or improve your situation, to offer a very specific and inspiring response. "I am willing to do anything and everything to make things better!" A part of me gets really excited about their enthusiastic reply. My excitement and optimism still exist after 25 years of this kind of work, knowing that we are about to embark on the first stage of self-sabotage. Self-sabotage can, at times, be really obvious and others, very deceptive and tricky. I take a deep breath and ask them are you willing to do____? Their enthusiasm and conviction that were on full display just a moment earlier disappear. Some combination of resentment, bitterness, fear, and/or anger replaces the enthusiasm. Self-sabotage has now planted its roots and is ready to dig in to do anything and everything except for "that". Self-Sabotage - I Am Willing To Do Anything... But That - Michael Swerdloff - Providence Holistic Counseling, Coaching and Reiki ...

We Can Still Be Crazy – Pema Chodron

We can practice meditation, Yoga, and Qi Gong every single day and night, and we can still be crazy! We can still be crazy if we practice all of the above, eat organic "healthy" foods, take herbs, and drink kombucha daily, and we can still be crazy. We can meet with an acknowledged expert in therapy or counseling, and we can still be crazy. In fact, it is possible that we may even become crazier if we diligently commit to these practices and follow them up with a 7-day cleanse and a weekly water fast. Nothing can guarantee that we will not be crazy. Nothing. Is the goal not to be crazy or to live an amazingly imperfect life that we get to be ourselves on a regular basis? Would you agree to practice daily if you knew you would never stop being crazy, BUT you would begin accepting yourself for who you really are? If you are curious about how we can still be crazy after daily meditation for years or decades, and that is OK, I invite you to read this short essay by Pema Chodron below. If you are unfamiliar with her and her work, please follow the link in the previous sentence; she is a living gem!  We Can Still Be Crazy - Pema Chodron - Michael Swerdloff - Providence Holistic Counseling, Coaching and Reiki ...

Conflict Resolution Workshop – Individuals & Couples!

I am thrilled to be offering a three-session Conflict Resolution Workshop at Kindred Community Acupuncture in Rhode Island on the border of Pawtucket and Providence! The three dates are April 6th and 20th, and May 4th all from 3:30 - 5:30. I have scheduled the dates two weeks apart so that all participants have time to practice their new skills in the real world and return to share experiences, challenges and questions. Conflict Resolution Workshop - Michael Swerdloff - Providence Holistic Counseling, Coaching and Reiki Everyone is welcome to participate in this training, whether you are joining us by yourself, a friend, family member or partner, you are welcome to join us. It is recommended that you take part in all three sessions, especially the first on April 6th....

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