61 results for tag: Couples Counseling


Conflict Resolution: Transform Your Conflict Cycle

Most couples struggle with conflict resolution. They may call it communication, anger issues, conflict avoidance, contempt, manipulation, narcissism, trauma response, triggers, etc., but we are often talking about conflict resolution.

"What is conflict? Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to fear or try to avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way.

When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. Whether you’re experiencing conflict at home, work, or school, learning these skills can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships." Excerpt from Conflict Resolution Skills.
Conflict resolution skills allow us to shift our conflict cycle to create an environment supportive of connection, safety, trust, and intimacy. Trust is the primary component of successful relationships and connections. Creating or rebuilding trust can take time, patience, and a willingness to step outside our comfort zone through conflict resolution....

What Are We Fighting For?

What are we fighting for or about? This is the question we all need to ask ourselves when we conflict with another person, especially a partner or spouse. As a couples and relationship counselor, whenever a couple shares with me about a "fight" they had recently, I often ask them after they have spoken in great detail how their partner was at fault and what they did wrong, "What was the fight about?" Both people start repeating what the other person said and did wrong and how they did it right. The focus is generally on the content rather than what the fight was about. The fight or conflict is almost always about trust and respect in some shape ...

A New Study Reveals the Secret of Why Men Fall in Love

Why men fall in love. This is not as obvious as it seems on the surface. When I was an adolescent boy, I was very confused about what it was that I liked about girls besides their physical appearance. There were girls who I thought were very pretty and attractive, but I had no desire to be with them. Conversely, there were girls that I was only mildly physically attracted to, but they were fun, intelligent, interesting, creative, and forces of nature, which turned me on in a completely different way. When attracted to them, physically, mentally, and emotionally, my brain didn't work well! I was flooded with emotions, feelings, and thoughts that I ...

Fight Languages: How we Argue Is Key to Healthy Relationships

For those of you that have been reading my posts for a while, you are aware of The Rules For Fair Fighting in Relationships. Many of you know the Five Love Languages Gary Chapman, Ph.D. introduced. If not, you can learn about them easily here What are the 5 love languages? Fight Languages having a name is new to me. I understood the principles but did not have a term to express them. How we fight with our partner(s), friends, family, and neighbors often defines the nature of our relationships. Understanding how your partner or friends/family argue is essential to creating thoughtful, loving resolutions, trust, and safety....

Sex Therapy – Is It Time to See a Sex Therapist?

How do you know when it is time to see a Sex Therapist or Sex Counselor? First things first, how do you know IF you would benefit from seeing a Sex Therapy or Sex Counseling?

What is Sex Therapy and Sex Counseling?

Sex Therapy 101

"First, let’s talk about what this particular type of therapy is. Put very simply, the goal is to help you have a sex life that feels healthy and happy to you. Sex therapy recognizes that sexuality is an integral part of our lives, and seeks to provide education and resources to support you. It can include things like identifying your beliefs or blockages around sex, helping you gain clarity on your goals for your sex life, providing accurate and shame-free information, teaching new sexual skills, improving your communication, or developing sexual self-confidence. Even though there still aren’t a ton of sex therapists out there, I think it’s really important to look around before picking who you want to work with. I strongly believe that the fit between the sex therapist and client is important. If you don’t feel connected to and trusting of who you work with, you’re not going to get much benefit out of the experience. Check out the websites of a few therapists in detail before booking an appointment, and don’t be afraid to end your working relationship if your gut’s telling you it doesn’t feel right."  This excerpt is from What Happens In Sex Therapy? by

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9 Things your Therapist wants you to Know

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this essay on things your therapist wants you to know! As a counselor, I often want to share many of the elements the author describes below. Many people make assumptions about therapists and counselors and what we know, don't know, or what we are like when we are not meeting with clients. I tend to chuckle when folks assume that I am someone that goes to bed early, gets up at dawn to meditate, and rarely if ever, goes out and comes home late at night, which I do often! Therapists and counselors are rarely shocked by your experiences or traumas. For someone like me that has been doing this since 1993, I have been present with folks sharing their experiences, challenges, and obstacles for a long time. I have also experienced plenty in my own life. I am ready for whatever your particular brand of mess or chaos that is your life. We all have messes in our lives!...

Boundaries Help Us Connect + Exquisite Consent

I have just returned from two weeks at the annual Dance New England Dance Camp. I have been a participant for eleven years and an organizer for the last four. We created an ad hoc Consent and Boundaries Team to support even more safety and connection within our community. We created an amazing flyer on exquisite boundaries (below), we offered an evening dinner table for conversations around consent, a powerful and entertaining forum on consent and boundaries including Playback Theater, and we purchased 300 wristbands with the saying, "Boundaries Help Us Connect". It was an intense and rewarding experience creating these programs that were received enthusiastically!...

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