Co-Regulation is when two people provide support for each other as a means of creating emotional safety, security, and connection. We need to connect with other people. It is that simple. There is a lot of information out there that convinces people that the goal is to be "self-sufficient", as if that is possible even if it were true. There never has been and never will be a time when being self-sufficient is best for us. Besides, we need food, shelter, the earth, sun and moon, water, air, clothing, beds, transportation, tools, machines, soil, trees, etc.; we need others whether we like it or not! We are not built to be self-sufficient, and that is a blessing!
We are wired to be connected with other people and possibly other species. Many of us were not taught or demonstrated how to do this in a healthy, safe manner. This makes the illusion of trying to be self-sufficient seductive and tempting. We want to find a more straightforward method than investing the time and energy required to build these safe and healthy relationships. We want an easy way out where it is unnecessary to lean into our fears of connection and intimacy.
Most folks are terrified of letting others in and allowing ourselves to be that vulnerable and exposed.
So what do we do? We begin by creating inner safety and a sense of security that "I will be OK no matter what." This sense of safety and security provides the foundation for us to trust others because we know we are solid and secure. They may hurt us, but we will survive and, over time, thrive. Connection with others is what supports us in being independent....
I have been reflecting on this Jeff Brown quote on friendships lately. We tend to focus our efforts towards relationships on our romantic/intimate partnerships and family. But what about friendships?
What if we carried the same intention and effort with our main friendships, or, "friendship pods"?
I am incredibly grateful for my core group of friends, and how impactful our love, support and collective commitment, is and has been in my life, especially during the height of the pandemic. I am inspired continuously by the willingness of us as individuals and as a group to walk towards challenges, not away.
"As friendships ...
I am not broken. As often is the case when we try to "fix" somebody, we inadvertently tell them we think they are broken. Why would something need to be "fixed" if it is not broken? This poem by Jeff Foster is a beautiful Illustration of a person who has the strength and courage to say, "I am not broken!". I am not lost cat with a broken leg, a muffler or a hot water heater. I am a human being that deserves respect, care, affection and attention. I am not broken. It is not your job to fix me, nor is it wanted or helpful. Love me instead....
Simply acknowledging someone else's pain or suffering is such a powerful means of support. It lets them know you are listening, you care and that they matter. When someone we know is suffering, we want to help. For many of us, our initial response is to offer them advice, guidance or "positive thoughts". Our intention is in the right place, although not nearly as effective as acknowledging their experience. If your goal is to provide help that facilitates a change, I invite you to consider acknowledging them before any other form of support.
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I am not aware of anyone who has not experienced loneliness at some point in their lives. Everyone experiences loneliness or isolation. For many, it is an ongoing struggle. People often assume that others that are always surrounded by friends and/or family do not experience loneliness. This assumption is not correct. We can experience loneliness no matter how many people are in our loves, loneliness is not an exclusive club for those who are shy, awkward or introverted. Loneliness can effect anyone, even "The Cool People".
Before we get to the article on A Cure For Loneliness, here is a short video with Johann Hari. He is a controversial author, journalist and explorer of life and people. He has great ideas, even if he is not always on target about why things are the way they are. I think you will enjoy his talk on loneliness. It is less than four minutes.
https://youtu.be/bC2Na1E3iVg
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A Valuable Life Lesson For A Happier Life is an interesting demonstration of some important life lessons about priorities and relationships.
https://youtu.be/SqGRnlXplx0
What are your thought on A Valuable Life Lesson For A Happier Life? Does it apply to your relationships, career, family, health or spiritual life? What do you disagree with this demonstration of A Valuable Life Lesson For A Happier Life?
Other posts you may enjoy:
Open Up – School of Life
Building Bridges or Building Walls
It’s Never Too Late To Be Amazing
Number One Reason Most Relationships Struggle
Listening ...
