7 results for tag: Pain

9 Things your Therapist wants you to Know

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this essay on things your therapist wants you to know! As a counselor, I often want to share many of the elements the author describes below. Many people make assumptions about therapists and counselors and what we know, don't know, or what we are like when we are not meeting with clients. I tend to chuckle when folks assume that I am someone that goes to bed early, gets up at dawn to meditate, and rarely if ever, goes out and comes home late at night, which I do often! Therapists and counselors are rarely shocked by your experiences or traumas. For someone like me that has been doing this since 1993, I have been present with folks sharing their experiences, challenges, and obstacles for a long time. I have also experienced plenty in my own life. I am ready for whatever your particular brand of mess or chaos that is your life. We all have messes in our lives!...

This Sculpture Shows The Inner Child In Us – Love

We all have a little boy or little girl inside us, or both. Many people refer to this part of ourselves as the Inner Child. The term Inner Child gets used a lot these days, but what is the Inner Child? I like the description below. "The inner child lives in all of us; it is who we were before life happened to us. When the negative experiences of life happen in childhood, our inner child becomes fragmented. We disconnect from that vital aspect of ourselves and shove that part of our psyche down into the dark. As we grow up, the inner child is still very much alive, often dictating our responses to life. Those traumas that you experi...

Arguments About $ Aren’t About Money

Arguments. The first time I meet a new couple that I am working with, I ask them to each share why they are here today. Almost without exception, they each launch into a one-sided description of a recent argument telling it solely from their perspective. In their minds, they are seeking relationship counseling because of an argument or arguments. I ask a few more questions to get a greater understanding of their current challenges. Most of the time, they continue to refer back to the argument or arguments previously mentioned. I will follow that up with a question similar to this, "So if I am hearing you correctly, you are here because of an argument or arguments, not due to a lack of trust, connection, respect, communication, commitment, safety, and/or intimacy?". Arguments About $ Aren't About Money - Michael Swerdloff - Providence Holistic Counselor, Coach & Reiki ...

Being Sober – Alcoholism Is About Pain; Not Drinking Too Much

Getting and staying sober is a monumental task. It takes an incredible amount effort and commitment, especially in the beginning. Getting sober isn't the goal though. The goal is to become at minimum a decent human being, if not an exceptional one. Somehow our culture has created this illusional that staying sober is the destination, it's not even close. Getting sober is the springboard to something better. Staying sober is not the goal like getting married isn't the goal in a relationship. The goal for both alcoholics and marriages is to be healthy, balanced and live your best life with solid, sustainable relationships that support love, connection and respect. Being Sober - Alcoholism Is About <span class='highlight lazy'>Pain</span>, Not Drinking Too Much - Michael Swerdloff - Providence Counselor, Coach and Reiki ...

Anger A Secondary Emotion – What Are We Protecting?

Many years ago, the psychologist who turned my life around once told me, "Michael, anger is a secondary emotion. You must feel another emotion first before you can experience anger. The primary emotion is typically fear, sometimes sadness or pain." Of course, I became even angrier when she said this! I remember thinking, "Fear, I am not scared of anything. I'm pissed off, not scared!" Her words haunted me. In the following weeks and months, every time I became angry, I often heard her in the back of my head whispering, "Michael, anger is a secondary emotion. You must feel another emotion first before you can experience anger." Notice how the fear part was left out of my process? Eventually, the part about fear also made its way into my process. That is when the shift began for me.

Anger - A Secondary Emotion - Providence Holistic Counseling Services...

Acknowledging Pain Is Highest Form of Support

Simply acknowledging someone else's pain or suffering is such a powerful means of support. It lets them know you are listening, you care and that they matter. When someone we know is suffering, we want to help. For many of us, our initial response is to offer them advice, guidance or "positive thoughts". Our intention is in the right place, although not nearly as effective as acknowledging their experience. If your goal is to provide help that facilitates a change, I invite you to consider acknowledging them before any other form of support.

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Building Bridges or Building Walls

In relationships, typically, we are either building bridges or building walls. When we are building bridges, we are working towards connection, intimacy and safety. In contrast, when we are building walls, we are moving towards distance, isolation and discomfort and/or lack of safety. When we think about conflict resolution, it usually comes down to building bridges or building walls.   Building Bridges or Building Walls - Providence Holistic Counseling Services - Amaryllis Fox Everybody believes they are the good guy
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