I am not broken. As often is the case when we try to "fix" somebody, we inadvertently tell them we think they are broken. Why would something need to be "fixed" if it is not broken? This poem by Jeff Foster is a beautiful Illustration of a person who has the strength and courage to say, "I am not broken!". I am not lost cat with a broken leg, a muffler or a hot water heater. I am a human being that deserves respect, care, affection and attention. I am not broken. It is not your job to fix me, nor is it wanted or helpful. Love me instead....
Connection matters. It is easy to forget how important connecting with others is, but connection matters. Having a sense of belonging and acceptance can be essential to our sense of self, safety, and trust. I generally do not publish posts this long, but it felt like all three excerpts helped create a full picture of why connection matters. I would like to add one element to the discussion of why connection matters.
This is similar to when people use the inaccurate phrase, "You can't love anybody else unless you love yourself first." My experience has demonstrated that we can't know ourselves without being connected to others to reflect who we really are, not who we want to believe we are, so we feel better about ourselves. I know deep inside that I am a thoughtful, compassionate, and caring human being because those character traits are expressed easily and organically when I am connected with other humans. When I am not connected with other humans, I have to rely on my current self-assessment to determine if those things are true or not. History has taught me, and most of us, that our inner narrative is typically either false or one of many parts of a whole self, not the actual whole person.
The problem with the statement, "You can't love anybody else unless you love yourself first." is that very few people, if any, can love themselves without experiencing love in their life. We need to feel love in order to love ourselves. We have to actually know what love feels like in order to love ourselves. This is another reason why connection matters. When we feel connected and have a sense of belonging, is much easier to love ourselves and others. Without feeling love, I can be a bit of a crapshoot....
The Marriage Lesson That I Learned Too Late is a statement I have heard much too often. This is also true for people that are not married or even a couple. We may learn too late in relationships with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, or anybody. In this case, "The Marriage Lesson" is a lesson for all relationships!
The awareness that small things are significant in our relationships is valuable for us all.
If someone repeatedly shares something that you are doing or not doing that brings up anger, pain, sadness, fear, betrayal, rejection, flooding, or any other strong emotion that creates distance, I encourage you to listen. This is especially ...
What is ethical non-monogamy or consensual non-monogamy, and what is not ethical non-monogamy? Ethical non-monogamy is when a couple mutually decides adding other lovers, or romantic or sexual partners to their existing relationship. I want to be clear, ethical non-monogamy is NOT having an affair or one night stand(s) without having your partner's consent and support IN ADVANCE.
Since the author of the article below explores what ethical non-monogamy is, I will primarily focus on what it is not.
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) Is Not:
Being attracted to someone else and pressuring or manipulating your partner into you being with someone else ...
We are all familiar with the "
red flags" to be aware of when starting a new relationship. The green flags, however, do not get as much attention. We have possibly spent too much time making sure everyone knows what to avoid in relationships, and perhaps not enough focus on what to embrace in relationships. The list of green flags are an attempt to offer another lens to view and assess what is productive and necessary to thrive and prosper in relationships.
Of the
6 Little Green Flags That You've Found A Keeper shared below, I would like to focus on just a few of them. Beginning with being able to be your authentic self around them is key. If you feel safe enough around them to not feel like you have to look, sound and/or be different in their presence than you do with your inner circle is essential. Or, from the reverse perspective, why would you want to be with someone that you do not feel like being yourself is enough or acceptable? ...
