6 Relationship Tips for Empaths | elephant journal
Empaths get a bad rap in mainstream media. They are made fun of as if they are all quacks and hippies. For those gifted with the ability to sense and feel others’ experiences and thoughts, empathizing can be lonely and isolating. You may receive little support or guidance on how to live in the world and be yourself. This was my experience in most of my early life, which included drug and alcohol abuse. This shifted when I found a Teacher who offered me guidance and support to hone my skills and prosper within our culture. I am so grateful for the training and direction our work together facilitated. I can now “do what I do” because of that relationship and what was created through it.
Please read the following article on empaths in relationships with an open mind, especially if you are an empath or in a relationship with an empath. You may find it useful in understanding the unique challenges and attributes of life as an empath.
6 Relationship Tips for Empaths | elephant journal
“In my psychiatric practice and workshops I’ve seen many highly sensitive people called empaths who unknowingly absorb the stress and pain of others, including their partners.
Intimate relationships are a challenge for empaths because they are emotional sponges and tend to get overwhelmed very easily. Without being aware of it, they avoid romantic partnerships and intimacy because deep down they’re afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled—a nerve-wracking way to live.
I can relate to this because I am an empath.
Empaths are a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be hard to take and may cause us to bolt. Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner’s emotions and become anxious or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space.
We’re super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with fifty fingers instead of five.
For empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined. Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needs—the physical and time limits you set with someone so you don’t feel they’re on top of you. Empaths can’t fully experience intimacy with another until they do this. Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an arm’s length. In doctors’ waiting rooms I’ll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away.
One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a “Keep Out” sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love.
All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being drained by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if you’ve felt suffocated before. Prospective mates or family members may seem too much to take when you don’t know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate others—make clear that this isn’t about not loving them—but get the discussion going. Once you can do this, you’re able to build progressive relationships.
Relationship Tips for Empaths
If you’re a relationship empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom don’t jibe with you, the following tips can help you to define your personal space.
Tip 1: What to say to a potential mate
As you’re getting to know someone, share that you’re a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being “overly sensitive,” and won’t respect your need.
Tip 2: Take adequate alone time to replenish yourself
Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, “I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I’m having fun,” a form of self-care that he supports.
Tip 3: Learn to set clear limits and boundaries.
For instance say, “I really prefer staying in tonight instead of going to a party.” or “I’d prefer to spend some quiet time instead of having the TV on.”
Tip 4: Clarify your preferred sleep style
Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good night’s rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.
Tip 5: Negotiate your square footage needs
You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn’t a prison. Breathing room is mandatory. Ask yourself, “What space arrangements are optimal?” Having an area to retreat to, even if it’s a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses?
I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable. Here’s why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner’s energy is sublime, sometimes I’d rather not sense the person even if they’re only hovering near me. I’m not just being finicky; it’s about maintaining well-being if I live with someone
Tip 6: Travel wisely
Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I’ll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. “Out of sight” may make the heart grow fonder.
I’ve seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for relationship empaths (of all ages) who’ve been lonely and haven’t had a long-term partner before. Once you’re able to articulate your needs, being comfortable in an intimate relationship is possible.”
Judith Orloff, MD is author of the national bestseller The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life, upon which her articles are based. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, intuitive healer, and New York Times bestselling author who synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. An Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, she passionately believes that the future of medicine involves integrating all this wisdom to achieve emotional freedom and total wellness. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, the Oprah Magazine and USA Today. Connect with Judith on Facebook and Twitter. To learn more about the power of surrender and Dr. Orloff’s books and workshop schedule visit her website.
via 6 Relationship Tips for Empaths. | elephant journal.
Do these match your experiences of being or living with an empath? Are there other qualities that are not addressed that Judith did not include about relationships with an empath?
Other posts you may enjoy:
Blindness – A Spiritual Teaching in Seeing
The Art of Knowing is Knowing What to Ignore
Spiritual Training on Humility – The Janitor Part I
Things Your Couples Counselor Already Knows About Your Relationship
Do Something Good For Someone Else, and Don’t Get Caught – Kindness
Michael Swerdloff
Providence Holistic Counseling Services
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