Isn’t it time for changing dishonest dating culture? Have we had enough of men and women pretending to be something they’re not when dating a new potential partner? Why are honesty and dating concepts that rarely intersect? Does anybody really enjoy finding out eight months later the person they are dating has nothing to do with the person they first met?  Why are we so afraid to show others who we really are? Is it because many of us do not know that answer to the question, Who Am I?  What would be your experience with dating if you could just be yourself? What if dating first impressions were an accurate representation of ourselves?

 

 

When I was younger, I questioned who I am and if I was good enough to date quality young women. At best, I had my doubts. Even though I appeared self-confident and directed, I was a mess. I like to every woman I met about anything and everything I could think of except my name. I was afraid if you found out who I was you would not be interested in me. I was wrong, but it took many years for me to figure that out.

 

Honesty is The Best Policy but Tact is The Underwriter

 

A handful of years after meditation became daily practice in my life, a significant shift in consciousness and sense of self transpired. I no longer thought I was the ugly duck. I am certain that learning who I was essential in this process. I find it fascinating how the awareness of who we are is often enough to create enough self-confidence to risk showing others who we really are without ego. At first, it was very scary. After a while history produced enough evidence of positive experiences for me to know that being myself was enough. The mirror that life can be reflected back to me a kind, intelligent, fun, creative and attractive man. I have to tell you it surprised the hell out of me that amazing and talented women were attracted to me.

 

 

 

I am interested to hear what you think about the 15 ways we can put an end to the dishonest dating culture we’ve created. I think some of them are pretty obvious but others have depth and insight.  Many apply to young people only but still have value. Isn’t it time for changing dishonest dating culture?

 

 

“What is the dating game, you ask? Well, you probably know it all too well. It’s the game of “let’s see who can try to act like they care less in order to get someone else to care more and then take turns.”

It’s the blurred line between how casual you are and what title you decide to designate to your romantic encounters. It’s so confusing that I often lose track and I’m sure you do, too.

What is the reason for not being able to be simple and honest? Like, “Hey, I think you’re really cute and I would like to get some coffee and giggle awkwardly at our small talk, so I can spend some extra time looking at your cute face.”

The reason it isn’t so easy is because we all play the game. Here are a few ways to put down your cards and really look at the faces that surround you without wearing your own poker face:

 

1. If you like someone, don’t pretend you don’t.

If the person then runs for the hills, ask yourself what the point was for investing any further emotion, anyway?

2. GO ON DATES.

They aren’t an extinct practice. Going to the movies with someone doesn’t mean you’re signing a marriage license. It’s for fun, you guys.

3. Don’t use your past relationships as a crutch that enables you to fear commitment.

We have all had relationships that failed. If you use those problems to justify your twisted actions in every future romantic encounter, you will waste many potentially successful relationships.

4. Don’t alter what you want.

If you want a relationship and someone else doesn’t, don’t settle for his or her sake. That would be like playing a board game without getting to roll your own dice.

5. Stop caring about what people will think.

The connotations that surround dating and relationships are so blurred and disfigured at this point that you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out how to please everyone.

6. Quit using people.

Don’t use others for the way they make you look to other people. Don’t use them for physical reasons. Don’t use them because you’re lonely. Just don’t use them.

You use a mop to clean the floor. You use a match to start a fire. You don’t use human beings to satisfy your own needs.

7. Find out who people actually are.

Go ahead; ask about their little sisters and whether they’re more afraid of spiders or snakes. There’s nothing wrong with learning more about people than the fact that they like Fireball whiskey and study engineering.

8. Have chivalry and respect in every way.

As the age-old saying goes, always treat others as you wish to be treated. No one deserves anything less than your utmost respect.

9. Stop playing with other people’s emotions.

If you know that you are dragging someone along for selfish reasons, put yourself in his or her shoes and do the decent thing. Just be honest.

10. Stop settling.

If you want that girl with the curly blonde hair and 4.0 who you hardly know, go for it. You aren’t beneath anyone or anything; you can have a dream and you are the largest obstacle standing in the way of it actually happening.

Stop feeling like you are limited to certain people; you’ll only grow to be unsatisfied with that limited group.

11. Don’t be afraid to be corny.

Just be you. If simple things like a “good morning” text or an impromptu smoothie date is how you want to show interest in someone, go for it. Be dorky and stop worrying about satisfying the status quo.

12. Take all of the physical aspects of your relationship slowly.

I know this one is difficult to grasp, but let’s be completely honest about the fact that intimacy complicates things. Why add one more complication before you can trust someone?

13. Don’t try to make someone jealous.

It will never lead the person to like you more. I’ll never understand why we seem to think that it’s a viable option in any situation.

14. Let go of any preconceived expectations you have for someone.

Trust me, you really have no idea what you want and dismissing people based upon your specific criteria could lead you to really miss out.

15. Realize that you are young and dating is about learning.

It’s not about the best “hookup” or even necessarily about handpicking your perfect life partner. We are young. Dating is for learning about others and about yourself in a way that is fun and will bring you happiness.

Treat others with respect and let them make you awkwardly giggle as your heart flutters. Meet new people and their friends. Visit new places and understand unique ideas and perspectives.

Stop trying to navigate through it like a game that you can manipulate to achieve the best outcome without much risk. Be simple. Be kind. Be happy.

We are responsible for making this more complicated than it needs to be. It isn’t a game; it’s just other people. Stop counting cards and start counting smiles.”

 

 

Changing dishonest dating culture begins with me

They say that “like meats like”. If I want to meet a genuine, honest woman, do I not have to be a genuine, honest man? Why would an honest person want to date a dishonest person? Why would someone who is genuine and real want to date or be in a relationship with somebody who is full of shit and doesn’t know who they are?

Changing dishonest dating culture begins with honesty

Changing dishonest dating culture begins with honesty. I am aware that is an incredible obvious statement. The fact it is obvious does not mean that it is easy or you will accept the challenge. Honesty with self and others, especially someone we just met and are interested in dating, takes courage. It demands that we let go of what society, our family and past relationships have taught us that we are not good enough and need to be something different to be accepted and loved. It demands that those voices do not dictate who I am today and what my future relationships will be like.

Changing dishonest dating culture begins with trusting yourself

One of the common characteristics I see time and again in individual and couple’s counseling is a lack of trust in self. We believe what other people say about us more than our own Inner Voice. We believe the lies we have convinced ourselves about what we are not and why we are not enough, before people listen to our own truth and trust ourself. this always makes me sad. I wish I could remove each and every lie that the clients I work with have convinced themselves are true about their body, their mind, their heart, their strength and sense of needing to be something different to be accepted and loved. We need to trust ourselves to meet someone who can love us for who we really are, not what we have pretended to be. Isn’t it time for changing dishonesty in culture?

 

 

I look forward to your comments and experiences on changing dishonesty dating culture. What is your part in changing dishonest dating culture?

More great resources you may enjoy:

Who Am I?

Before We Fall In Love

Mindful Dating 

Dating First Impressions 

Listening As An Art and Skill For Improving Relationships

Does Kindness Make You More attractive? Research Says Yes!

 

 

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counseling Services

What Is Reiki Counseling?

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