Providence Life Coach Dating Success Series - Who Am I?

In the last segment of the Providence Life Coach Dating Success Series, we discussed that your best foot forward is to be yourself. So you’ve decided you want to show up on a date as yourself, “just being you”. The next task in being you is to figure out Who Am I. Unfortunately, most of us don’t know who we are.

Here is your mission, if you choose to accept it: Mission Who Am I?

Who am I? The age-old question that humans have asked themselves as long as we’ve been writing and collecting data on ourselves as a species. Of course, there are many levels to figuring out who I am. There are surface levels like I am human, man, woman, heterosexual, gay, Latino, Asian, American, and the list goes on. Then we can take a little deeper look into figuring out Who am I. Questions like, Am I a nice person? Am I trustworthy? Am I intelligent? Am I fun? Am I responsible? Am I a good lover and/or partner? Am I a good friend or family member? Although you have delved deeper than our first exploration, they are still not very deep or well-defined. Who Am I?

How does one answer the question, Who Am I?

I can offer you some suggestions to get started, but, as you know, this is a long, continually evolving process. The recommendations I’m going to share with you are the one-week-before-a-first-date version of Discerning Who Am I.

My training and learning about myself have been predominantly guided by meditation. I have a daily meditation practice that started over 20 years ago. I am very grateful for this. I’ve had some excellent teachers and mentors train and coach me in meditation along the way. Of course, there are many methods of meditation, as there are schools and traditions. To discern who I am and be myself in dating, we will use some basic meditation methods, but there is nothing new or trendy about them.

Meditation Technique for Discovering Who Am I

To begin this process of self-discovery in such a short period, we can stick to some basic, tried-and-true meditation methods. I invite you to begin by finding a nice, quiet place to sit by yourself. Turn off your phone, TV, headphones, or any other distractions or attention-getters; your undivided attention is what is necessary. I invite you to give yourself at least 30 minutes each day for the one-week version of Who Am I. If possible, do not do this right before bed; you are more likely to fall asleep, doze off, or have trouble keeping your attention focused on the task at hand. I’d like you to find a nice, comfortable chair, sitting with your feet firmly planted on the floor, back as straight as possible, and pointed forward. We have removed all of our external distractions, found a nice quiet place to sit, and are now comfortable planted in a chair.

If you are comfortable doing so, I invite you to close your eyes; if you need to keep them open, that is okay too. Take 3 to 5 full breaths in through your mouth, out with your whole body, releasing with each full breath. Now, you can close your mouth and begin to breathe in and out through your nose. Continue to take large breaths, but not as big as the first few. We can now take a minute or two to do some breath-watching. The simple, basic method of breath-watching includes: breath in 1, breath out 2, breath in 3, breath out 4, breath in 5, breath out 6, breath in 7, breath out 8, breath in 9, breath out 10. After counting to 10, start with one and repeat. This process of breath-watching and counting our breaths from 1 to 10 is the traditional, basic method for developing single-pointed focus.

It may take 5 or 10 minutes. When you feel ready, ask your higher self to be present and in charge. Then, ask your higher self to slow your brain rhythm down below psychic, all the way to spiritual healing. Keep breathing in and out through your nose. You may begin to find a comfortable breathing rhythm. Allow your brain and body to slow down and settle in.

We can now ask our Higher Self a very simple but complicated question: Who Am I? You will probably not get a direct answer. In fact, if you do, it is probably neither correct nor true. With this next chunk of time, I invite you to pay attention to your mind and body, and to be present. The process is simple: breathe, be present, and pay attention; breathe, be present, and pay attention; breathe, be present, and pay attention. Simple, but not always easy to do. Listen, listen to your mind, listen to your body, listen. Our first job is to listen; learning how to do it ourselves is very important. Listening to our own mind and our own body is much different from listening to a TV, a friend, or music. Listening to ourselves requires paying attention and being present. You can have a minute or two, ask yourself the simple question, Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Interpreting The Data from The Who Am I Meditation

After you have spent 20 or 30 minutes sitting and listening, the next step is to interpret what you heard. At first, it may all seem like a jumbled-up mess of random thoughts, but if you take some notes of the scattered thoughts and observations, they may turn out to mean something. You may learn more about who you are, what you are, and why you are. What could be more valuable in dating or life than knowing who you are, what you are, and why you are? Again, go over the last step after your silent meditation, to take notes on what you remember of your scattered thoughts that crossed your mind, what images you see, whether there were colors or textures, whether there was a landscape, who and what was part of your images, and whether there were any words or phrases that stuck out in your mind? After you have made some simple notes of your observations and thoughts, the very last step is to connect your notes on your interpretations and experiences with the meditation. If you can sit for just a minute or two, staring mindlessly and maybe mindfully at your notes and interpretations. Please don’t get up and start running around like a chicken with its head cut off; be gentle with yourself and pay attention! Pay attention to your dreams or what you think about when you wake up the next morning. If you do this for 5-7 days straight, you will learn some possible fragments or chunks of who you are. Again, what could be more important to you in dating or life than being able to answer on some level, Who Am I?

Please be gentle with yourself and leave room for the lack of practice you may have in discerning who you are. This is just the one-week version of a lifetime process. Judging or being disappointed in your interpretation of how successful you were in this process is not helpful or correct. Remember, this is just the beginning. Meditation is a practice, not a perfection 🙂

If you’re having trouble being able to interpret your observations, thoughts and experiences, please invite a friend, family member or someone you trust, personal or professional, to help you see “you”, in your notes. If there is no one you feel safe sharing this with, I invite you to contact a life coach, counselor, or therapist to help you interpret the data. If I can help in any way, please feel free to write to me directly or comment anonymously below.

Next, in the dating success series, now that I know who I am, how do I let somebody else know Who I Am?