Why Connection Matters

Connection matters. It is easy to forget how important connecting with others is, but connection matters. Having a sense of belonging and acceptance can be essential to our sense of self, safety, and trust. I generally do not publish posts this long, but it felt like all three excerpts helped create a full picture of why connection matters.  I would like to add one element to the discussion of why connection matters.

This is similar to when people use the inaccurate phrase, “You can’t love anybody else unless you love yourself first.”  My experience has demonstrated that we can’t know ourselves without being connected to others to reflect who we really are, not who we want to believe we are, so we feel better about ourselves. I know deep inside that I am a thoughtful, compassionate, and caring human being because those character traits are expressed easily and organically when I am connected with other humans. When I am not connected with other humans, I have to rely on my current self-assessment to determine if those things are true or not. History has taught me, and most of us, that our inner narrative is typically either false or one of many parts of a whole self, not the actual whole person.

The problem with the statement, “You can’t love anybody else unless you love yourself first.” is that very few people, if any, can love themselves without experiencing love in their life. We need to feel love in order to love ourselves.  We have to actually know what love feels like in order to love ourselves. This is another reason why connection matters.  When we feel connected and have a sense of belonging, is much easier to love ourselves and others. Without feeling love, I can be a bit of a crapshoot.

 I am interested in your experience reading about why connection matters.

Why Connection Matters

We are all busy. Sometimes, we are so busy that we don’t know WHY we’re busy. We just know that we have to be busy. The unfortunate downside of this constant busyness is that we lose touch with our families and friends. We don’t make time for them and even they may only live 10 minutes away from us, months can go by without us seeing them.

The Covid-19 pandemic, which necessitated us having to stay away from people and only interact with them over the Internet, put things into perspective for us. Even though our friends and loved ones were just minutes away, we weren’t allowed to see them. Although we could see them over Zoom and Skype chats, it wasn’t the same.

Touch Is Fundamental

According to the Urban Child Institute, a baby first interacts with the world around them via touch. (In actual fact, their sense of touch develops at the 16^thweek of pregnancy. ) The sense of touch is fundamental to the development of several different abilities, such as:

• Physical abilities
• Language skills
• Cognitive skills
• Social-emotional competency

Thus, the sense of touch is a fundamental part of our everyday being. It allows us to experience life to the fullest and makes us more complete human beings.

As we’ve been denied the ability to connect with people physically and to touch others, a part of us is not quite the same as it was. Our sense of self and reality is not quite there. Yes, on the surface we appear as we always have, but there’s something different. It isn’t easy to pinpoint and you need to spend some time on introspection to figure it out, but once you do, you’ll be in a much better position as you can figure out how to sort this out.

Re-establish Those Connections

In this hyper-connected world, where we’re being expected to work all hours of the day without a moment’s break to remain competitive, it’s very easy to shut yourself from others. Although you may not intend to do this, it’s an unfortunate side effect of the world that we live in today.

However, what Covid-19 has taught us is the importance of real connection. And not just a comment on your Facebook or LinkedIn post, but a meaningful interaction where both parties walk away feeling fulfilled.

It doesn’t have to be a long thing. Although lazy lunches over a weekend that last for hours on end are fabulous, let’s face it. Who has the time? What we’re saying is rather take those brief moments and use them to catch up with people.

Have half an hour to spare? Why not suggest to a friend, who lives in the neighbourhood that you get together for a cup of coffee? Know that another friend goes to the same gym as you? Why not suggest that you go together regularly so that you can keep in touch.

We all have to work to earn a living, but this doesn’t mean that we have to shut ourselves off from the world while we’re doing this. Keeping in touch with others, and connecting with them makes a huge difference.

You may view the original article Why Connection Matters on World Perspectives.

The following excerpt is written by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD from the article The Importance of Connection in Psych Central.

Why is human connection important?

Our day-to-day lives are busy. We spend our days balancing between endless meetings, school activities, and family responsibilities. On top of that, we try to squeeze in exercise and running errands.

This leaves us with no time to connect. In a world of more virtual interactions than physical, human connection is now more important than ever.

Here are some benefits to social connection.

Mental health boost

Social connections can offer a number of mental health benefits, such as boosting mood, reducing stress, and improving self-esteem.

A 2018 study led by researchers with the American Cancer Society (ACS) examined data from more than 580,000 adults and found that social isolation can contribute to depression, insomnia, and cognitive decline.

Longer lifespan

Other research suggests that social isolation can increase chances of death by at least 50%. A lack of human connection was found to be more harmful than even obesity and smoking.

Improved quality of life

Loneliness has been shown to impact not only our physical health but our emotional health, too.

The same 2018 study conducted by the researchers from ACS also found that lack of social connection may be associated with obesity, heart disease, and smoking. Another study linked social isolation to up to a 30% increased chance of stroke and heart disease.

A 2015 study found that social isolation might also be associated with lowered immune system, making you more vulnerable to viruses and disease.

Increased fulfillment

When we reconnect with friends, whether that’s through a quick phone call or on a nature hike, we can go through a multitude of emotions. We’re either laughing, crying, or venting.

When we express these emotions, our brains release dopamine and endorphins — the “feel good” neurotransmitters responsible for happiness and mood.

Another excerpt on Why Connection Matter by Alexandra Owens from the article Tell Me All I Need to Know About Oxytocin 

Why Connection Matters – Oxytocin

What Is Oxytocin?

This powerful hormone has a reputation for playing cupid. But the full story is a lot more complicated. Most people know oxytocin as the hormone that’s most closely linked to our social ties—especially when it comes to love and raising children.

“We often see it discussed in relation to attachment and social-related behaviors, including empathy and bonding,” says Lily Brown, PhD, Director of the Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania. “But it’s a lot more than a fleeting chemical high. Oxytocin is a hormone that functions as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It’s thought to be a driving force behind attraction and caregiving, and even controls key aspects of the reproductive system, childbirth, and lactation.

Oxytocin has earned the nickname “the cuddle” or “love” hormone because it’s released when people snuggle up, have sex, or bond socially—in fact, the effect is so strong, that even petting a dog has been shown to release it.¹ Yet recent findings have shed new light on the effects of oxytocin, and why it may not be all kisses and hugs.²

“I would argue the phrase ‘the cuddle hormone’ is a bit of a misnomer,” Brown says. While it’s true that oxytocin enhances bonding under certain circumstances, it may also lead to jealousy, suspicion, and the formation of “in” groups and “out” groups. “It seems the effect of oxytocin depends on the situation. So, when someone is in the presence of a person who is not part of their ‘tribe’ if you will, it can actually increase negative feelings toward members of the ‘out’ group. It’s not as straightforward of an explanation as we used to think,” Brown says.

What Triggers an Oxytocin Release?

For the most part, releasing oxytocin requires one thing: another person. While it’s traditionally associated with sex, breastfeeding, and childbirth, almost any form of social bonding or positive physical contact can trigger oxytocin. One study (on chimpanzees) even found that sharing a meal does the trick.⁶ Common triggers include:

What Triggers an Oxytocin Release?

• Positive physical contact (cuddling, kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc.)

• Social bonding (talking, making eye contact, laughing, etc.)

• Sex

• Breastfeeding

• Childbirth

 I am curious what had the most impact on you from these three perspectives on why connection matters.

 

Other posts you may enjoy:

A Social Experiment in First Impression

A Cure for Loneliness – How To Make Connects That Count

Drop Dead Gorgeous Syndrome – Curse, Blessing or Both?

Does Kindness Make You More Attractive? Research Says Yes!

Do Something Good For Someone Else, and Don’t Get Caught – Kindness

11 Reasons Why You Should Never Hide How Weird You Are – Wordables

 

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counselor, Coach and Reiki

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