I suspect that all counselors and therapists know that kindness makes you more attractive. It is helpful to see research that supports this premise. The research itself is limited but still has merit. On a personal level, I think I have always sensed that those who express positive character traits, seem more attractive if for no other reason than I find anger, dishonesty and hate unattractive.

 

 

Honesty and kindness make you more attractive, even if you don’t look different

We all know that cosmetics, hair and the gym can alter the way you look. Whether it be men with larger chests or women with smaller thighs, change of physical appearance is not hard or complicated. One can change the color of their skin through cosmetics, hair through die, nails through polish and even eyes through contact lenses. It is amazing how much larger women’s breasts appear due to altering of bra design in the last 10 years.  A man’s facial hair can present him as sensitive, intellectual or tough depending on how much and the style. But, do these changes that men and women do make you more attractive or just different? Meaning, is different better or just different? To me, and I know I am not alone, attractiveness is not just what you see, it’s something you feel and experience. I think this supports the claim that honesty and kindness make you more attractive, but a push-up bra just makes you different. Besides, honesty and kindness are traits that are attractive regardless of what you look like or what you are wearing, or not wearing. Kindness makes you more attractive regardless of whether you are in bed naked, on a beach in your bathing suit, dressed to the nines at a friend’s wedding or Sunday afternoon on the couch.

 

 

Honesty and kindness do not cost money, nor do they support the American corporate need to convince each and every one of us that we need to change who we are and what we look like to be attractive. We are born with honesty and kindness, you do not have to go to the mall to buy them. Isn’t it time we’ve moved past the illusion that pissed off men and nasty women are “hot”? Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep have always been attractive to me, but I have never thought of either of them as “hot”.

 

 

Kindness Really Does Make You More Attractive

The Huffington Post  | By  Carolyn Gregoire

“If teen movies have anything to say about it, the hottest people are usually also the meanest, while the nice guys are the ones who can’t get a date. But according to some rather encouraging new research, an attractive personality may be one of the most important factors in perceived beauty. In other words, being a good person could actually make people perceive you as more attractive.

A recent study, led by Yan Zhang of Huazhong University in China and published in the November 2014 issue of Personality and Individual Differences, found positive personality traits to increase perceptions of facial attractiveness.

The researchers tested 120 male and female adult Chinese participants, randomly divided into three groups, and asked each participant to rate 60 photos of unfamiliar Chinese women making neutral facial expressions. Two weeks later, participants rated the same pictures again. But this time, one group was given positive personality descriptions, like kindness and honesty, alongside the same photos. The second group looked at the same photos, but read accompanying negative personality descriptors (such as meanness or dishonesty). The control group was shown the same photos without any personality descriptors.

All three groups had similar attractiveness ratings in the first round of photo rankings. But in the second round when the descriptions were added, the group shown the same photos with positive personality descriptors assigned the highest attractiveness ratings to the photos, while the group with negative personality descriptors ranked the photos less attractive than the positive group and the control group.

“We find that ‘what is good is beautiful,’ with personality reflecting desired traits as facial attractiveness,” the researchers wrote. “This phenomenon can also be called the ‘halo effect.’ We can thus presume that personality traits may contribute to judging facial attractiveness and that the personality traits desired in a person are reflected in facial preference.”

Zhang’s research is part of a growing inquiry into the link between personality and physical attractiveness. A 2010 study found that kindness could influence the body type a person found attractive. A group of 2,000 male study participants reviewed photos of a diverse group of women, agreeing on a very narrow definition of body “attractiveness.” But in a second experiment, when given positive personality information about the women in the photographs, a far greater variety of body types were deemed attractive by the group.”

You may read the rest of Kindness Makes You More Attractive on Huffington Post.

 

 

Kindness Make You More Attractive, So Does Intelligence

Several years ago I was leaving a prominent position I held working at a middle school. One of my primary job responsibilities was recruiting, hiring, training and supervising college students as tutors and mentors for struggling middle schoolers. This will come as no surprise to anyone, most of them were female. I was training the young man who wAs going to take over my position and felt the need to speak with him about setting proper boundaries with his employees. Being a bright and thoughtful young man, he agreed and was relieved to hear me speak to this matter. Another one of our coworkers chimed in, “You know, no matter how attractive the woman is on the outside, you still have to enjoy having dinner with her before anything else can happen. If she is dishonest, miserable and shallow; it does not matter what her face or body look like. No amount of make-up or hours at the gym can make up for the fact that honesty, intelligence and kindness make you more attractive.”  I smiled when he said it then and am now while sharing it with you. How many movies have we all seen that had great trailers and the movies just flat-out sucked?  A good trailer for a film can only get you to watch the movie, it cannot get you to like the movie or appreciate the quality.

 

 

 

Kindness Make You More Attractive – Random kindness & senseless acts of beauty

 

When do you think you look most attractive? Do you feel kindness makes you more attractive? When you walk into a room or a large crowd, what kind of people do your eyes, mind and body get excited about? Are they honest and kind, angry and nasty, warm and open, hard and shut-down? Do you really think that honesty and kindness makes you more attractive, or is it just a good ideal?

 

 

More Resources You May Enjoy:

Before We Fall In Love

6 Words You Should Say Today

Voices of Female Celebrities on Body Image

Spiritual Teachings on Smiling – The Janitor: Part II

Providence Life Coach Dating Success Series – Be You

Do Something Good For Someone Else and Don’t Get Caught – Kindness

 

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counseling Services

What is Reiki Counseling?

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