I Am Not a Healer

It’s now been forty minutes in an altered brain rhythm, slipping from below ordinary consciousness, even below psychic, all the way down to spiritual healing. It is a state where the ego does not completely rule words, thoughts, and actions. The shadow has quieted enough to allow the True Self to speak and be present. The answers are usually simple: a word, a phrase, or maybe even just a syllable. In this case, very simple: “Yes”. This is my life as a Reiki Practitioner.

I am not a Healer. I am fortunate to have taken part in healing experiences, but I am not a healer. At times, I pass information intuitively, but not a psychic. I have facilitated many spiritual counseling sessions, but am not The Counselor. Teachings have spilled out of my mouth, initiating growth and development almost on a regular basis, often daily, but I am not The Teacher. There have been more situations than I could count when I “read” someone’s spiritual history at first glance, but am not telepathic. I have no particular skills or talents of a supernatural nature. I am not anyone special, at least not any more than the next man or woman. How could I be? Why would the Divine Presence give one child any more gifts than another? Arrogant I am, but not that arrogant, at least not at this moment.

Who Is A Healer?

I have noticed lately how many folks claim to be Healers, Shamans, Teachers, and a host of other grand positions. If so, why are they still working with the people they have “healed”? More importantly, why would anyone want to be “healed”? If a Shaman or Healer rids them of their blemish, how will they know what to do next time they encounter a similar obstacle?

Where did this concept of such demonstrations of Grace begin to be labeled as talents and/or skills? What extreme arrogance would I have to possess to think these are something I am in charge of or belong to me? As if Healing and auto maintenance are both skill sets that can be memorized or categorized similarly. One can learn how a Suzuki Samurai works and have complete mastery over returning it to its stasis when trained properly, at least in most cases. But Healing is not that way, or should I say, my experiences have been contrary. So, what skills or talents do I posses that contribute to me in working with others? I Pray a lot. If I were to grasp one skill, it would be that I Pray a lot. Another trait that comes to the surface is relentlessness. I push and push and push, rarely accepting defeat or limitations. I barrel through without allowing fear to trump the possibility of Healing, mine or someone else’s. I have great Faith in Healing. Although I am not sure, Faith is an honest portrayal. I have experienced and witnessed many times the Will and Courage rise from within us for greatness to really call it Faith. Faith implies believing; I do not believe in anything; I wait till I have enough evidence, and that is what I exist on: evidence, not Faith.

After fifteen years of laying my hands on people, holding their hands while they shared their deepest fears and suffering, witnessing their first Prayer since childhood, and seeing that look in their eyes only when sparked with the Divine, I would not be honest to say I have Faith. I once had Faith, I once believed in healing, and there was a time when I thought I was “special” or “gifted”.

Healers Come In All Shapes and Sizes

I used to live with a guy who was divorced and shared custody of his 11-year-old daughter, who was a Downs Syndrome kid. She was a bossy kid but loved to sit and watch me Pray and complete Reiki self-treatments when she stayed with us on weekends. She would watch me sometimes for several hours, riveted. I remember before meeting Katie, I heard people talking about how being around a “special needs child” teaches us many things. I did not know they were talking about what she taught us about patience and compassion; it was her patience and compassion, not ours. I learned from her how hard it must be to live in a world where those around you can easily understand each other but have no clue what is being communicated to them. How much patience it must take to watch us try to get her to be something she is not, but still she loves us. Great love and healing her presence brought to others and I, not because a “special needs kid” could tie her shoe or cut her own noodles, because she put up with our lack of understanding of her world relentlessly, and loved us in spite of our ignorance. At times it was unbearable to me the gap between her willingness to love and accept me, versus mine to her. Katie was one of the few Healers I have known in my life.

I remember the first “miracle” I experienced with Vibrational energy. It was 1993, and I was a Radio Shack manager. I managed many stores, but this one was in a little shopping mall. They sent me this young saleswoman since I was short-staffed. She was attractive, fashionable, and friendly but didn’t have a clue what a capacitor or integrated circuit was. Hey, I needed the help. One day I was in my office and she came in crying uncontrollably. I asked, “Hey, what’s going on?’

“I just left the doctor’s office, and they confirmed I have cancer in my liver.”

I was stunned. She may not even have been twenty-one years old. I didn’t know what to do, but somehow this is what spilled out of mouth without thinking, “I have just begun receiving training in Vibrational Healing through touch. I have not tried it on anyone yet, but I would be willing to try it with you.” Just like that sales manager became human being.

“Oh my God! I was up all night last night watching TV because I couldn’t sleep. I saw this show about people who do that and was wondering if there was anybody in New Jersey who does it. YES! I would love to try this if you would be willing”!

I put my hands on her shoulders and Prayed for about five minutes or so, maybe longer. I saw colors and felt warmth coming out of my hands; it was eerie in a good way. I didn’t know how to stop or what to do when I finished yet, so I just sat back down at my desk after the energy stopped. She was crying, but with a different form of tears now. A week later, she came back to work, ran into my office, and hugged me. She had just left the doctor’s office; there were no traces of cancer! Nothing. They ran the tests several times and found nothing.