“Hmmm,” I thought. “This is a familiar feeling.”
Then I realized why — and that I knew just what to do.
That sense of unease at the art festival reminded me of how I felt five years ago, when I was newly sober. Back then, as I got used to a new kind of life, I employed tools recommended by my therapist and by other people in recovery. The challenges were different at the festival — I wasn’t trying to avoid alcohol — but the solutions were similar: acknowledge the feelings, take some deep breaths and talk about it with a friend.
“There’s a sense of anticipatory anxiety around re-navigating and reintegrating — an excitement and trepidation at the same time, and the fears around, ‘Will I be able to cope?’” said psychologist John Kelly, the Elizabeth R. Spallin Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of Massachusetts General Hospital Recovery Research Institute.
While some people may argue that addiction and reentry anxiety do not share the same level of urgency, “There are always more commonalities between people than there are differences,” says Nzinga Harrison, a psychiatrist, addiction medicine physician, and co-founder of Eleanor Health and the “In Recovery” podcast. She said that as we collectively adjust to the reopening of society, people in recovery have a lot of expertise to offer.
Here are some recovery approaches that can help if you are experiencing mixed feelings about returning to pre-pandemic activities.
Start with acceptance
Acceptance is a prerequisite for making change. “Acceptance recognizes what is,” said Princess Drake, a mental health practitioner at Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. Drake works in Hazelden’s residential program, where talking about reintegrating into life after a significant change is routine. One of the tenets of recovery is that acceptance doesn’t mean that one likes or agrees with what is but that one acknowledges facts
Hazelden Betty Ford patients often believe “that after living treatment, they are going to go back in and jump into life as it was before, and that’s not always the best approach,” Drake said. Acceptance can encourage people to take small steps. “Progress, not perfection,” she said, a common recovery phrase.
With pandemic reentry, acknowledging what has happened is similarly vital for deciding how to move on, Harrison said. “The world today is not the same as it was in February 2020. The rug was ripped out from us, our stability was stolen. We are traumatized, anxious, and overwhelmed. We learn in this country to ignore our feelings and they will go away, but they won’t,” Harrison said.
Asking yourself what’s out of your control (circumstances, how other people behave), and what’s in your control (how I respond) goes hand in hand with acceptance.
Have a plan, but stay flexible
In sobriety, people learn to create a plan. This can mean bringing your own transportation, talking with a friend beforehand or calling someone if things get uncomfortable, all of which can be adapted to post-pandemic activities. “It’s good to set boundaries and have a couple of people in your corner who understand your situation,” said Sarah Culver, 31, who has been sober for nine years and is in the second year of a graduate program in St. Paul, Minn.
Culver has been invited for drinks with fellow graduate students, something she didn’t have to think about last year, when everything was virtual. She said she uses recovery tools — such as examining her motives — to figure out what events she wants to attend and which ones she wants to avoid. It’s not because she’s necessarily afraid of taking a drink, she said, but because she chooses activities that are most enjoyable to her now. She also regularly attends support group sessions, including 12 Step meetings and gatherings of the Luckiest Club, a membership community.
“When I got sober, I learned about how important it is for me to be able to say ‘no’ sometimes. If I have to put a lot of effort into ‘Do I go to this event or not go?’ it might not be worth it.”
And if she decides later that it’s not a good idea to attend after all, she doesn’t. In early sobriety, people learn that it’s okay to change their minds, which instills a sense of confidence and agency. In other words, you have a choice.
Identify feelings and recognize triggers
Your body will tell you how you’re feeling about a situation, Harrison said. “All humans react the same way: the fight or flight response, which gets the adrenaline flowing.” This could manifest itself in a racing heart, dry mouth, queasy stomach or sweaty palms. It’s important to recognize these reactions, something that is taught in recovery, so you can settle on an appropriate way to handle them.
For example, Harrison said she felt those sensations while grocery shopping at the height of the pandemic. She identified the anxiety that was causing the sensations and responded by taking her husband with her. Recently, when her colleagues invited her to dinner, she says she again recognized discomfort and set boundaries, telling her colleagues she wasn’t comfortable with dining indoors.
When Harrison’s group arrived at the restaurant, however, they discovered the patio was enclosed. She felt uneasy at first, but, again turning to recovery tools, thought through the risks and shared her feelings with colleagues. She decided to stay — and she enjoyed the meal.
Practice gratitude and mindfulness
Jolene Park, a functional nutritionist who works with gray area drinkers, people who may have issues with alcohol, said many of her clients struggle with overactive thinking when they are newly sober; worrying about how their friends will react if they don’t drink alcohol or choose not to attend parties. Similar “what ifs” may come about in post-quarantine reentry: “What will people think of me if I wear a mask? If I don’t? If I sit out this event?”
In recovery, people learn that instead of fretting about what could go wrong, they should try to think about, and be grateful for, what can go right. For instance: Focus on the experience of a good meal, in-person time with friends, or the enjoyment of experiencing live music.
“Getting back in the stream of life can be something to look forward to,” Kelly said. “When people return to activities they enjoy, they may be nervous a bit, but after a while, it becomes easier.”
Recovery also teaches that practicing mindfulness, allowing thoughts to come and go without judgment, can be useful in challenging moments. Staying grounded can help as well: Notice your feet on the ground and take some deep breaths, which gives the body cues that it is safe.
Connect with community
Having a group of trusted friends to call on is another cornerstone of sobriety that addresses reentry nerves. “Having a close-knit support system is essential more than ever,” Drake said. “Whether a person is in recovery or not, none of us can do it alone.”
For Hillary Massicotte, of Freeport, Maine, that means having friends who enjoy similar activities. The 44-year-old teacher who has twice become sober (in 2015 and in 2017) said that her social life in the past often revolved around drinking. Now, she loves hiking.
A reevaluation of values and priorities is another parallel between early sobriety and this time of collective and individual reflection. In other words, the things you enjoyed before might be different now. “As I start to go back into the world, it’s with people I really want to be with. Sobriety taught me that,” Massicotte said.
Kelly said this period of reentry can be an opportunity for individuals and communities to have a kind of rebirth. “There’s hope and optimism that comes with getting back into the stream of life,” he said, “even if there are bumps in the road.”
Bio: Erin Shaw Street is a Birmingham-based creator who writes about mental health, sobriety and recovery, and digital media. Follow her at erinshawstreet.com, on Twitter .
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