Sex Therapy – Is It Time to See a Sex Therapist?
How do you know when it is time to see a Sex Therapist or Sex Counselor? First things first, how do you know IF you would benefit from seeing a Sex Therapy or Sex Counseling?
What is Sex Therapy and Sex Counseling?
Sex Therapy 101
“First, let’s talk about what this particular type of therapy is. Put very simply, the goal is to help you have a sex life that feels healthy and happy to you. Sex therapy recognizes that sexuality is an integral part of our lives, and seeks to provide education and resources to support you. It can include things like identifying your beliefs or blockages around sex, helping you gain clarity on your goals for your sex life, providing accurate and shame-free information, teaching new sexual skills, improving your communication, or developing sexual self-confidence.
Even though there still aren’t a ton of sex therapists out there, I think it’s really important to look around before picking who you want to work with. I strongly believe that the fit between the sex therapist and client is important. If you don’t feel connected to and trusting of who you work with, you’re not going to get much benefit out of the experience. Check out the websites of a few therapists in detail before booking an appointment, and don’t be afraid to end your working relationship if your gut’s telling you it doesn’t feel right.” This excerpt is from What Happens In Sex Therapy? by VANESSA MARIN
Is It Time to See a Sex Therapist?
Sex can be an important part of personal well-being. But sex therapists say the work they do remains misunderstood.
In the summer of 2017, six years into her marriage, Kayti Christian booked her first sex therapy appointment.
Ms. Christian and her husband grew up in evangelical families, steeped in the belief that any sexual desires outside of marriage were sinful. When they got married, they expected sex to be intuitive — even transcendent. Instead, Ms. Christian said she and her husband felt numb during intercourse and ashamed after.
They prayed. They asked their pastor for guidance, but it did not help. Finally Ms. Christian, now 32, started searching for local certified sex therapists.
They went to five sessions; sometimes together, sometimes alone. The couple’s therapist recommended simple exercises, like facing each other, holding eye contact and stating their sexual desires out loud.
“It might sound silly, but talking about sex while not having sex was something that felt revolutionary to us,” said Ms. Christian, who is working on a memoir about evangelical purity culture.
Sex is complicated for just about everyone — influenced by an ever-changing web of psychological, physical, cultural and social factors. And many individuals and couples can benefit from therapy to better understand their sexuality. Sex therapists say their field has long been misunderstood — seen as a last resort for people in doomed relationships, or a fringe practice that involves embarrassing hands-on exercises. For people like Ms. Christian and her husband, it can take years of suffering before they finally turn to a sex therapist for help.
There is emerging evidence that we may be in the midst of a collective rough patch, sexually speaking. Over the past two years, several studies suggest, people were having less sex and worse sex, particularly in the early days of the pandemic. A 2020 Kinsey Institute survey found that 24 percent of married people in the United States were having less frequent sex than before the pandemic, and 17 percent of women reported a decrease in sexual satisfaction.
Yet addressing sexual problems — whether they emerged during the pandemic or not — is challenging. Medicine has been slow to embrace sex as an important part of personal health, and many doctors do not receive formal sexual health training in medical school, despite known links between sex and wellness.
The New York Times spoke to several sex therapists about some common misconceptions around sex therapy and why it sometimes takes their patients so long to find care.
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