You Look Weird Dancing Like That

I’m this guy. I am the weird guy on the dance floor, at Yoga class and the beach. I swim and play in the waves like a twelve year old. I am (mostly) comfortable in my skin and with people thinking I am weird.  I am aware that most people do not have that experience when people think or say they are weird. Many people feel like being “weird” is a criticism, insult or putdown, certainly not a compliment. I understand that when someone tells you they think you are weird, it may create doubt or as sense of not belonging or being “normal”.

It was not always like this for me. I was actually a DJ for decades in clubs and events that wouldn’t dance because I was self-conscious about what people would think of me and how I danced.  Sometimes I would be conscious of taking my shirt off at beaches and pools. I used to freeze when wanting to ask someone out on a date for fear of them saying no, and telling their friends who might laugh at me. This seems funny to remember, but I wouldn’t wear clothes with bright colors because people might think I was weird (They would have been correct). It turns I am weird and that is OK!

I know the quote, “Dance like nobody is watching” is very popular, and has its place, but I invite you to also include dance like YOU regardless of whether somebody is watching or not. Being ourselves shouldn’t have to feel like something that needs to be hidden. My wish is that every single one of us feel like being themselves in public and private is safe and enjoyable, or at least willing to do the work that supports the freedom of, “I am me and I am more than good enough”.

Me, right now, I am good enough.

I do not have to be consumed by what others may or may not be thinking about me. I am loved and lovable.  If this is not your life experience, I encourage you to find someone to support and guide through the process of self-acceptance.

Until then, dance however the F*** you want!

‘You Look Weird Dancing Like That’

There was a time, not too long ago, when that would have crushed my self-esteem like a knife popping a balloon.

By Paley Burlin

I have a triumph to share. All you dancers out there should appreciate this one.

I’m in a crowded bar, zero alcohol in my system, DJ’s running 90’s hip-hop classics, and I’m vibing out (a bit more intensely than most everyone else, what can I say, I’ve been feeling myself lately). This woman comes over to me, taps me on the shoulder, and with a look of disapproval on her face and a vibe about her like she was letting me in on some big secret and speaking on behalf of everyone at the bar, she leans in and says “I think you should know that you look really weird dancing like that”.

There was a time, not too long ago, when that would have crushed my self-esteem like a knife popping a balloon, I would have soaked up that judgment like a sponge, hung my head in shame, and felt super unsafe for a few minutes before leaving the bar and going home to hide from further judgment. I mean, shit. Isn’t that exactly what all the people who are afraid of dancing fear most? Someone doing exactly that?

I smiled at her, told her “the weirdness is the best part”, and continued vibing out. I would almost say that it felt good to be targeted in that way, because it gave my dancing more meaning. It challenged me to connect with myself on an even deeper level than I was already.

The judgments of others can only harm me if I am not at peace with my own inner judge. As long as I am in control of the judge inside of me, judgments that come from outside me can never penetrate my bubble of self love without my consent.

In other words, I’m juuuuuuust about done giving a damn.

Hello freedom! I’m coming for ya. We’ve got a long life ahead of us!

This story was previously published on Paley Burlin Therapy and Counseling and The Good Men Project.

About Paley Burlin

Paley is a native of Maine, currently working in private practice as a psychotherapist in the state of Washington. His deepest commitment in life is to be an instrument of positive social change by integrating the head, the heart, and the body. His passions reflect a blend of influences in depth psychology, mysticism and trauma research. If you are interested in working with Paley, or would like to follow his writing, visit his website: paleyburlintherapyandcounseling.com

I invite you to be weird if that feels true to you. If being weird is not who you are, please be you regardless of what me, or anyone else wants or expects of you. You get to be you no matter what.

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