Fear of Silence – It Can Be Loud

The fear of silence runs deep. For many of us, the fear of silence shows up when we are lying in bed at three in the morning with “freight train brain” and can’t fall back asleep. For others, the fear of silence is loudest when sitting at a bus stop or a restaurant by ourselves. Technology has found a way for us to temporarily escape our fear of silence. We do not have to deal with our fear of silence, because we can always push a button for instant stimulation. Does pushing buttons actually quell our fear of silence? What if we made the conscious choice to actually sit and be with silence instead of trying to escape it? What do you think we can learn about ourselves and each other in silence?

I remember back in 1990 when I began to meditate. My fear of silence was very loud. It was so loud that I was not able meditate in silence; I needed music playing in the background for me to sit “in silence”. I guess when I think about it, my fear of silence was not really about silence. My fear of silence was actually a fear of my own thoughts and voice. I had skillfully avoided knowing who or what I was for 30 years. After a few months of meditating with music on, I began to risk sitting in silence for short periods of time. I can tell you from my personal experience that words like “peace” and “stillness” were not part of my early meditation practice in silence. It was nerve-racking. I felt like my whole world was being turned upside down. I was right, it was. Today I’m very grateful that I was able to hang in there and stick with it long enough to begin to experience the benefits of meditation. Twenty-five years later I am still experiencing new and different benefits of meditation.

Fear of Silence | Tricycle by Tich Nhat Hanh

“I have the impression that many of us are afraid of silence. We’re always taking in something—text, music, radio, television, or thoughts—to occupy the space. If quiet and space are so important for our happiness, why don’t we make more room for them in our lives?

One of my longtime students has a partner who is very kind, a good listener, and not overly talkative; but at home her partner always needs to have the radio or TV on, and he likes a newspaper in front of him while he sits and eats his breakfast.

I know a woman whose daughter loved to go to sitting meditation at the local Zen temple and encouraged her to give it a try. The daughter told her, “It’s really easy, Mom. You don’t have to sit on the floor; there are chairs available. You don’t have to do anything at all. We just sit quietly.” Very truthfully the woman replied, “I think I’m afraid to do that.”

We can feel lonely even when we’re surrounded by many people. We are lonely together. There is a vacuum inside us. We don’t feel comfortable with that vacuum, so we try to fill it up or make it go away. Technology supplies us with many devices that allow us to “stay connected.” These days, we are always “connected,” but we continue to feel lonely. We check incoming e-mail and social media sites multiple times a day. We e-mail or post one message after another. We want to share; we want to receive. We busy ourselves all day long in an effort to connect.

What are we so afraid of? We may feel an inner void, a sense of isolation, of sorrow, of restlessness. We may feel desolate and unloved. We may feel that we lack something important. Some of these feelings are very old and have been with us always, underneath all our doing and our thinking. Having plenty of stimuli makes it easy for us to distract ourselves from what we’re feeling. But when there is silence, all these things present themselves clearly.

Practice: Nourishing

When feeling lonely or anxious, most of us have the habit of looking for distractions, which often leads to some form of unwholesome consumption—whether eating a snack in the absence of hunger, mindlessly surfing the Internet, going on a drive, or reading. Conscious breathing is a good way to nourish body and mind with mindfulness. After a mindful breath or two, you may have less desire to fill yourself up or distract yourself. Your body and mind come back together and both are nourished by your mindfulness of breathing. Your breath will naturally grow more relaxed and help the tension in your body to be released.

Coming back to conscious breathing will give you a nourishing break. It will also make your mindfulness stronger, so when you want to look into your anxiety or other emotions you’ll have the calm and concentration to be able to do so.

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, and peace activist. He lives at Plum Village, a meditation center in the Dordogne region of southern France.

From Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise by Thich Nhat Hanh. Copyright © 2015 by Unified Buddhist Church, Inc. Reprinted with permission by HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers. The book will be released in January, 2015.”

via Fear of Silence | Tricycle.

It feels important to acknowledge that the fear of silence has not magically disappeared. I still experience a fear of silence from time to time. I can tell you that the fear is not as loud or crippling. I know what it is accept it for being a fear, nothing more.

What are your experiences with your fear of silence? Do you hide from your fear of silence or do you sit and let it teach you who, what and why you are, who you are? I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences with the fear of silence.

Other posts you may enjoy:

Surrender

I Am Not A Healer

Blindness – A Spiritual Teaching in Seeing

The Art of Knowing is Knowing What to Ignore

Spiritual Training on Humility – The Janitor Part I

The Invisible White Rabbit – A Parable in Determination

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counselor, Coach and Reiki