Boyhood – An Inside Look

Last week we watched the incredibly creative film, Boyhood. Along with enjoying the content and acting in the movie, I was impressed with the unique methods used to produce the film, which are outlined below. What struck me was how rare it is to see film or TV accurately or honestly tell the story of teenage boyhood including the experiences of the boy himself. We typically do a fine job of showing what teenage boys do; sports, eating, technology, girls/boys, video games, violence, anger, sex, risky behaviors, etc., but we don’t do such a good job of sharing their experiences. We do this profusely in the media with teenage girls, most people over the age of twelve can tell you in detail what it is like to be a teenage girl. We have many classic and not-so-classics books, films and TV shows about girls coming of age and their experiences related to their transitions. Not so much for boys.

 

 

Boyhood still seems to be a bit of a mystery in books, film and TV. Maybe teenage boys are just not cute enough for the media? Or possibly it is because we have to accept as a culture, we enjoy stories about girls, predominantly white girls, more than boys or people of color? I refuse to believe it is because their stories are not as interesting or worthy of attention.

For many positive reasons, we have focused significant attention on girls in the last fifteen or so years. We were overdue and it is has been necessary and important. We are seeing many positive changes in our girls and women. I have to believe they are connected. Our work with raising strong, competent and confident young women is not done, but we have made some strides. But what about our boys? Is it time for us to shift our focus to boyhood for a little while? Do we need to understand why boyhood is the way it is to better prepare our boys for manhood? Can we really believe that girls can shift power dynamics and relationships on their own without reprogramming how we raise our boys too? Didn’t we learn anything from Martin Luther King and Malcolm X in the 60’s about trying to change a system without including all parties involved?

 

 

Boyhood Movie Details

“Boyhood is a 2014 American coming-of-age drama film, written and directed by Richard Linklater, and starring Patricia Arquette, Ellar Coltrane, Lorelei Linklater, and Ethan Hawke. The film was shot intermittently over the course of a 12-year period, from 2002 to 2014, and depicts the adolescence of a young boy in Texas growing up with divorced parents.

Boyhood premiered at the 2014 Sundance Film Festival and was released theatrically on July 11, 2014. The film also competed in the main competition section of the 64th Berlin International Film Festival, where Linklater won the Silver Bear for Best Director. It was declared a landmark film by many notable critics, who praised its direction, acting, and scope. The film was nominated for five Golden Globe Awards, winning Best Motion Picture – Drama, Best Director, and Best Supporting Actress for Arquette. It also received six Academy Award nominations, including Best Picture, Best Director, and acting nominations for Arquette and Hawke.” Wikipedia

 

Boyhood Film Trailer

 

Family Story: The Burdens of Boyhood

“Boys are less inclined than girls to express their woes, but just because boys don’t talk about their feelings doesn’t mean that they don’t have them. By the time they reach middle school, many have internalized the “boy code” (be strong, mask your feelings, never show weakness). Not only do they hide and deny the emotions percolating inside them, they often cover them with anger.

Here’s a story about everything that can go wrong in one day in the life of a typical teenage boy, including frustrations, yearnings, pent-up emotions, and an inability to speak up for himself.

 

 

A groggy Henry sinks back under his covers, figuring he has plenty of time to throw on his clothes and get ready for school, when he hears his mom screaming up the stairs, “Henry, get up or you’ll miss your carpool!”

Henry thinks: That screeching voice. Why did I stay up so late last night?

“HENRY! I’M WARNING YOU!”

Crap, I’ve got a math test first period. There’s always stuff on it that’s not in the book, and we’re supposed to figure out. This sucks—Eric borrowed my calculator.

Shuffling into the hallway, Henry yells, “I’m up, Ma. I’m waiting for the bathroom.”

That brat Ellie is still in the bathroom.

Henry bangs on the door, after waiting outside the door for many minutes. Ellie, his older sister, shouts that he will just have to wait until she’s finished. As they argue, Mom hurries by, reminding Henry he should have gotten himself out of bed earlier.

Everybody is against me around here. How does Ellie manage to get Mom on her side every time?

Once in the bathroom, Henry tries to deal with newly erupting pimples, but his face becomes a patchwork of swollen blotches. With a wet washcloth, he tries to flatten his hair, which is sticking out like a bristle brush. Time passing, Mom yells up the stairs, “Get down here!”

Lunging down the stairs, he discovers his carpool has left without him. Ellie, however, made the ride.

She could have asked them to wait 30 seconds. So now I have to “suffer the natural consequences” of not being ready on time and ride my bike. Spare me that line. I’m going to flunk the math test for sure.

Henry pedals furiously to school, locks his bike, and sprints to class, arriving late, out of breath, and gasping for air. The math teacher hands him the test and a detention slip. Struggling, he’s stuck on the part that requires a calculator. “That’s unfortunate for you,” the teacher says. “You need to come prepared for class.” Later, in the corridor while changing classes, Henry sees Brandeth.

I feel like crap. I know I blew that test, and now Mom and Dad will be on me even more. God, there’s Brandeth. She’s looking at me. Maybe she’s not. She’s trying to look like she’s not looking at me. I don’t know whether that note was for real and if Brandeth really thinks I’m cute. If that note was a set-up, I’ll look really lame if I start paying attention and talking to her. Whoa, what’s that?

Henry trips over himself and jerks forward, books falling out of his backpack. Sweat beads break out on his upper lip as Brandeth and the girls in her posse giggle. Two of Henry’s friends whack him on the back and tease him all the way to Spanish class.

I can’t let them know they’re getting to me. I want to go back to yesterday and start over again. I’d get up earlier and hog the bathroom so Ellie would have to go to school with smashed hair. I could kill that test. I’d walk smoothly and coolly by Brandeth. Maybe Willie would bother her, and I’d move in and shove him off. And Brandeth would sorta be crying and look at me gratefully and reach out to me.

Henry notices the Spanish teacher standing over him, “I have told you repeatedly that I will call your parents for a conference if you do not stop daydreaming in class,” she says sternly. “Where is your homework? We’re waiting for you.”

Later, outside at lunch recess, the guys are still razzing him about his smooth move in the hall in front of Brandeth. Although Henry tries to ignore them and shoot some hoops, he is playing poorly. “Glad you’re on the other team, man,” Willie snarls.

I hate these guys. I’d do anything for a couple of good baskets, but the harder I try, the more I miss, and the more crap they sling me. I’m choking. I’ve got to get a hold of myself.

Henry body-checks Willie. Willie pushes him, and they start knocking each other around. The track coach breaks up the scuffle, talking to the boys about thinking before acting and devising alternative problem-solving strategies to violence.

What a load of bull. He’s getting off on his anti-violence lecture. Willie is doing his suck-up thing with the coach so he’ll think I started the whole thing, and now maybe I’ll get kicked off the track team. I don’t care if I do get blamed. I’m fast. They need me.

 

 

Once home, Henry retreats to his room, plugged into his iPod. He worries about what his parents are going to do when they see his math grade. He wonders whether the Spanish teacher or the coach will call his parents. He thinks about ways to find out who sent that note and whether Brandeth thinks he’s cute. He fantasizes about sex with Brandeth, about Ellie flunking a class, about Willie getting expelled, and about taking the track team to the state championship. Then, his mom catches him in bed, when he has promised to mow the lawn after school.

“How could you break your promise after what happened this morning! Henry, is there something wrong?”

She is on my case every minute. She’s always begging me to talk to her about my feelings, and then I get this creepy feeling all over, like I’m being suffocated. She’s looking really sad because I won’t talk to her. I feel lousy, but I just want to be left alone, no demands on me.

Teens like Henry can look cold and detached from the outside, yet still be flush with anxiety, yearnings, and hurt feelings, too befuddled to articulate what they’re experiencing. As any parent would, Henry’s mom responds to the picture in front of her—a son lying face down on his bed, plugged into his music—and can’t believe he has forgotten to mow the lawn. Mom wants to figure out what’s wrong, but Henry has withdrawn, unreceptive to her bid. What teen wouldn’t forget a chore after a day such as his? But Henry can’t begin to reach out and tell his mom of his suffering, and his mom can’t be compassionate because she doesn’t know what has happened.

Ashamed of showing his emotions or any weakness, Henry is unable to talk to his teachers and explain his dilemmas. Among his peers, he has to defend his pride. Boys, in particular, can be “shame phobic,” meaning that they’re exquisitely attuned to losing face and will do anything to avoid it, often venting their emotions through rage and outbursts. All of Henry’s vulnerability comes out as aggression, as he reacts to his classmates’ teasing. As much as we deplore the “indirect aggression” of girls’ social patterns (gossiping, spreading rumors, excluding others), the “direct aggression” of boys, who taunt each other mercilessly, is just as harmful, especially since boys are expected to take it and be tough.

 

 

Although boys can appear to be loners, they still want relationships with parents, teachers, and friends. They just aren’t always comfortable in them, and they often lack the social skills to create desired affiliations.

Henry’s list of screw-ups looks dreadful: getting up late, arguing with his sister, missing the carpool, blowing a test, getting in trouble with teachers, fighting with schoolmates, and forgetting a chore. As parents, we need to reckon with our teen’s lapses, but we also need to cultivate a second sense for how much is going on in their worlds. This perspective can help us moderate our judgments and focus on helping them learn from their mistakes.

Teens are tender and fragile, and we make many demands on them. When, for example, we burst in with “Good morning” and they don’t reciprocate, we’re all over them, but our joviality may be too much for them. The average teen is grumpy in the morning, at a low ebb in his biorhythms, and our cheerfulness may be out of sync with his spirit. The anguish that teens can experience at the mere act of getting out of bed and getting ready to face the school day can be excruciating.”

Excerpted from Getting To Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies For Parenting Tweens And Teens by Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D. and Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D. Copyright 2009 by Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D. and Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D. 

 

 

The Breakfast Club – Classic Teen Film, Not Just Boyhood

The Breakfast Club is a classic teen film from the 80s. It is not exclusively a movie about boyhood but includes an inside look at boyhood from the teenage eyes of three boys, an athlete, a geek and a tough guy. It is well written with an excellent cast.

The Breakfast Club is a 1985 American coming-of-age comedy-drama film written, produced, and directed by John Hughes and starring Emilio Estevez, Paul Gleason, Anthony Michael Hall, John Kapelos, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy. The storyline follows five teenagers, each a member of a different high school clique, who spend a Saturday in detention together and come to realize that they are all more than their respective stereotypes, while facing a villainous principal.

Critics consider it one of the greatest high school films, as well as one of Hughes’ most memorable and recognizable works. The media referred to the film’s five main actors as members of a group called the “Brat Pack“.

 

The Breakfast Club Trailer

 

Another Excellent Boyhood Film – Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You

I had the opportunity to watch Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You recently as well. I was impressed with the depth and sensitivity in demonstrating boyhood from the experiences of a struggling teenage boy. The depictions of this particular young man’s experience going through boyhood may not be representative of all boys experience with teenage boyhood but still informative.

 

Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You is a comedy-drama film directed by Roberto Faenza based on Peter Cameron‘s novel of the same name. It is primarily Italian financed, but was shot in English. The teenage American protagonist was played by eighteen-year-old English actor Toby Regbo and the supporting cast is mainly American.

James Sveck is an isolated young adult caught in the summer before he is to begin college at Brown University. The only person in his life with whom he is able to successfully relate is his grandmother; otherwise, James prefers solitude. Cameron’s use of first person narration allows for the reader to create an intimate relationship with James as he works through his life and through the therapy sessions to which his parents have made him go. The reader learns about James’ present as he tells the events of his days, but the reader learns about his past when James reflects on his therapy sessions.

 

Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You Trailer 

Boyhood – Account for his hormones affecting his communication ability.

“Remember back in the day when that certain someone brushed your shoulder and you couldn’t stop thinking about it for hours? Days, even? That’s his level of distraction, 24/7. His life is going from “Leave it To Beaver” to “The Real World” and he’s in the midst of dealing with it. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for talk.

What once was a life full of video games, friends, and the occasional basketball practice, is now a life of girls, grades, girls, sports, video games, girls, finding an image, friends, experiencing new things, and girls. Basically, he’s got a lot on his plate. If he’s terse and uncommunicative (but everything else is okay), he’s probably just dealing. He’s not upset with you or starting a rebellious phase; he’s just getting accustomed to this new train of thought that’s going a zillion miles an hour.”  from  How to Understand Teen Boys

 

 

Hormones Not The Whole Story with Boyhood Behaviors

“It is tempting – indeed it has always been assumed – that such behaviours are entirely hormone-driven. After all, aren’t teenagers hormones on wheels? From all that I have said so far, it seems logical. But links between hormone levels and poor behaviour in teenagers are either weak, or non-existent.

Nevertheless, if the number one risk factor for homicide is maleness (as it is) and the second is youth, and given that boys have loads of testosterone, and girls don’t (or certainly not nearly as much), surely this must put testosterone in the dock as the cause of aggressive adolescent behaviour?

Actually not. First, there is no consistent relationship between normal circulating testosterone levels and violence in teenagers. In fact, there is a rather better correlation between high testosterone levels and levels of popularity and respect from peers. One hypothesis is that teenage boys pick up cues from the environment and use them to determine “normal” behaviour. This is illustrated by recent work from the MRC unit at the Institute of Psychiatry which shows that it is not testosterone levels that determine your waywardness as a teenager, but basically, the people you hang with. Keep the company of bad boys, and you will take your behaviour cue from them. Hang out with sober sorts and your behaviour will be like theirs. As we all remember, being split up from your best mate is a peril of adolescence. “They’re a bad influence on you” is the general gist of parental or teacher wisdom on this one. Oh dear. The ignominy of the Institute of Psychiatry proving Miss Mansergh, year nine form teacher, right.

Deprivation may be a more important determinant of teenage violence. The theory – and there is a wealth of literature on this subject – is that if low-status males are to avoid the road to genetic nothingness (the words of neuroscientist Steven Pinker), they may have to adopt aggressive, high-risk strategies. If you’ve got nothing, you have nothing to lose through your behaviour. Certainly, in humans, both violence and risk-taking behaviour show a pronounced social gradient, being least in the highest social classes and most in the lowest ones. This is surely not what you would expect if testosterone were the only driver of violence.

Another clue that testosterone is not the whole story here is that teenage girls, while not as violent, certainly rival boys for downright bloody-mindedness during their adolescent years. Worse, I can hear some parents say.” Excerpt from It’s not just the hormones …

Taken from The Truth About Hormones by Vivienne Parry (Atlantic Books, March 21)

 

 

Classic Teen Boyhood Film – The Outsiders

The Outsiders is another classic teen boyhood film. Similar to Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You, The Outsiders speaks to a specific aspect of teen boyhood that is not representative of the overall population. The Outsiders does an excellent job of demonstrating teen boyhood from the experiences of the low-income, white males fighting for survival and identity.  Both the film and novel offer insight into teen boyhood experiences of brotherhood, friendship and mutual support in boyhood within a population of teenage boys that film, books and TV rarely display.

The Outsiders is a 1983 American drama film directed by Francis Ford Coppola, an adaptation of the novel of the same name by S. E. Hinton. The film was released on March 25, 1983. Jo Ellen Misakian, a librarian at Lone Star Elementary School in Fresno, California, and her students were responsible for inspiring Coppola to make the film.

The film is noted for its cast of up-and-coming stars, including C. Thomas Howell (who garnered a Young Artist Award), Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez, Matt Dillon, Tom Cruise, Patrick Swayze, Ralph Macchio, and Diane Lane. The film helped spark the Brat Pack genre of the 1980s. Both Lane and Dillon went on to appear in Coppola’s related film Rumble Fish. Emilio Estevez went on to be in ‘That Was Then… This Is Now, the only S.E. Hinton film adaptation not to star Matt Dillon.

 

The Outsiders Film Trailer

 

Boyhood Teen Behavior and The Brain

“In the brazen teenage brain, the initial expansion in grey matter means neural pathways are more plentiful, which makes a young person more open to experiences and willing to try out and learn new things than adults generally are. But this can be a dangerous tendency — even more so when teen brains join together in a pack.

Research has found that peer pressure activates certain brain signals that are linked to the powerful drug-like interplay of risk and reward. And a captive audience is the quickest way to bolster the brain’s reward system.

That may be why teenage boys constantly egg each other on to fight, play harder, drink more and drive faster.” Excerpt from Why teenage boys do stupid things by

 

Boyhood Film – Dead Poets Society

At the other end of the economic spectrum, Dead Poets Society offers a glimpse into the teen boyhood experiences of wealthy, privileged white boys. There are unique pressures and expectations of boyhood raised in homes where their fathers have been professionally or academically successful. Dead Poets Society also reminds us that boys like girls also prosper with opportunities for creative and intimate expression.

 

 

Dead Poets Society is a 1989 American drama film written by Tom Schulman, directed by Peter Weir and starring Robin Williams. Set at the conservative and aristocratic Welton Academy in the northeast United States in 1959, it tells the story of an English teacher who inspires his students through his teaching of poetry.

Painfully shy Todd Anderson has been sent to the school where his popular older brother was valedictorian. His room-mate, Neil, although exceedingly bright and popular, is very much under the thumb of his overbearing father. The two, along with their other friends, meet Professor Keating, their new English teacher, who tells them of the Dead Poets Society, and encourages them to go against the status quo. Each, in their own way, does this, and are changed for life.

 

Modern Classic Teen Boyhood Film – Remember The Titans

Remember The Titans is one of my favorite films focusing on teen boyhood. High school male athletes are another population inaccurately represented in pop culture. Even less common in teenage boyhood books and movies are the experiences of male high school athletes and their deep, intimate bonds.  Issues of race and class are central to the plot of this film. It is fun watching these young men struggle to build friendships and team unity in spite of their perceived differences.

 

 

Remember the Titans is a 2000 American sports drama film produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and directed by Boaz Yakin. The screenplay, written by Gregory Allen Howard, is based on the true story of African American coach Herman Boone portrayed by Denzel Washington, and follows Coach Boone as he tries to introduce a racially diverse team at the T. C. Williams High School in the Northern Virginia city of Alexandria in 1971. Actor Will Patton portrays Bill Yoast, an assistant coach making a transition to help out Boone. The real life portrayal of athletes Gerry Bertier and Julius Campbell, played by Ryan Hurst and Wood Harris, appear within the harmonized storyline; while Kip Pardue and Kate Bosworth also star in principal roles.

Suburban Virginia schools have been segregated for generations, in sight of the Washington Monument over the river in the nation’s capital. One Black and one White high school are closed and the students sent to T.C. Williams High School under federal mandate to integrate. The year is seen through the eyes of the football team where the man hired to coach the Black school is made head coach over the highly successful white coach. Based on the actual events of 1971, the team becomes the unifying symbol for the community as the boys and the adults learn to depend on and trust each other.

 

 

Teen Boyhood Films – Cooley High

I was experiencing teen boyhood when I first saw the film Cooley High.  I was and always have been a big fan of 60s Motown music, which is featured throughout this film.  The landscape for this teen boyhood film is based on a real high school in Chicago. These inner-city boyhood experiences were different from my own, but I distinctly remember relating to their need for individuality, acceptance and positive male friendships.

Cooley High is a 1975 American film based upon the real high school located on the near north side of Chicago, produced and released by American International Pictures and written by Eric Monte (co-creator of Good Times). The film, set in 1964 Chicago, Illinois, stars Glynn Turman and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and features a soundtrack made up primarily of 1960s Motown hits.

The film is considered a classic of black cinema, and its soundtrack featured a new Motown recording, G.C. Cameron‘s hit single “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday“. That song was covered in 1991 by Motown act Boyz II Men on the group’s first LP, named Cooleyhighharmony in honor of this film.

The story explores the adventures and relationships of Leroy “Preach” Jackson (Glynn Turman) and Richard “Cochise” Morris (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs), two black high school students at Edwin G. Cooley Vocational High School, in Chicago, during the 1960s, whose carefree lives take a turn for the worse through several twists of fate, including violent carjacking friends, drugs, failing grades, and girls.

 

Cooley High Trailer

I hope you have appreciated exploring teen boyhood through pop culture and academic scholars. I have had the opportunity to work with teenage boys since 1993 and always enjoy the relationships we create together. It is unfortunate that teen boyhood inner experiences are misunderstood or just not demonstrated, as if boys do not have feelings or thoughts. This is very sad to me. I invite you to share your experiences with the film Boyhood or boyhood in general. Time for open honest conversation surrounding boyhood that explores more than what they do, let’s include who they are.

 

Other posts you may enjoy:

Doubt

Keep Your Promises: Your Kids Rely On It

The Art of Knowing is Knowing What to Ignore

17 Lies We Need to Stop Teaching Girls About Sex

Things Your Couples Counselor Already Knows About Your Relationship

Do Something Good For Someone Else, and Don’t Get Caught – Kindness

 

 

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counseling Services

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