Doubt. Just writing the word stirs something inside me. I’m aware of feeling uncomfortable just seeing it, and since I’m using voice recognition software, saying it out loud. Doubt. Where does doubt come from? Are we taught doubt? Is doubt ingrained in our DNA? I wonder how much our life experiences influence the degree of doubt that expresses itself in our minds and bodies.

I was working with a client recently, and we discussed her relationship with her father. She explained that when she talks to him, she becomes a little girl and loses her strength and maturity. I shared some observations with her about a close friend of mine.  My close friend is an incredibly talented artist. She has lived on her own for almost twenty years, including residences in Europe, Central America, and Asia. We both lived together in an intentional community 15 years ago.  She graduated near the top of her class at one of the most prestigious art programs in the United States. I remember when I missed my friend, who had been receiving artistic training for two years at a school that only accepts 12 students in Italy. Her work is featured in various galleries throughout the country. None of this speaks to her high level of integrity, open-heartedness, and commitment to personal and spiritual growth and development. She is an excellent teacher, dancer, and Reiki Practitioner. There is a reason she is one of my closest friends.

Now that I’ve given you a sketch of her accomplishments and character, I will explain why she is an excellent example when discussing doubt. From the paragraph above alone, you can get a sense of how willing she is to take risks and experience new things. I imagine you can also see how easily her parents might worry about her. When she wants to take on a new challenge, she usually speaks with her parents about it. This is the part that fascinates me. It appears that the choices she is making in determining their level of comfort or concern about her are irrelevant. Her confidence and conviction seem to be the sole factors in creating panic or relief in her parents. In short, when my friend has doubts, her parents doubt her well-being and safety. When she does not have doubt, they are filled with joy about this amazing woman who happens to be their daughter. Doubt is the issue, not the challenges, risks, or alternative lifestyle she leads. It is just doubt.

When I was in my late teens, another close friend, Melissa, was one of the top amateur figure skaters in the country. Because of her success, she became very friendly with former world champion skater Elaine Zayak. I, too, had the chance to know Elaine a bit. From spending time with both, I became a fan of figure skating and have followed the sport ever since. I am often mesmerized by the skill, commitment, and creativity that top-notch skaters possess.

I remember before the Winter Olympics of 2006, when Sasha Cohen was poised to replace Michelle Kwan as the best of the best. Her talent and hard work were always clear, and her ability to perform at her highest level under pressure was inconsistent at best. I invite you to watch the two videos below of her performances at the 2006 Olympics. If you do not feel like watching each in its entirety, please watch the first two minutes of each so you may experience Sasha Cohen with doubt and Sasha Cohen without doubt. When the announcer Scott Hamilton stated, “There is doubt,” I recall feeling tightness in my belly for Sasha Cohen. The feeling had been, “This is not gonna turn out good.” Doubt is palpable.

There Is Doubt – Sasha Cohen Torino 2006 (Olympics) Romeo and Juliet

Without Doubt – Sasha Cohen Torino 2006 (Olympics) Short Program

“The real Sasha Cohen has arrived.” Dick Button (2006 Winter Olympics Short Program)

 Famous Examples of Individuals Succeeding In Spite of Doubt

• Henry Ford went broke five times before he finally succeeded.
• Beethoven was proclaimed by his teacher as hopeless as a composer.
• Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor for lack of ideas and creativity. Disney went bankrupt several times before it succeeded as a company.
• Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four years old and didn’t read until he was seven. His teacher described him as “mentally slow.”
• The Beatles were rejected by many music labels.
• Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
• Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade.
• Marilyn Monroe was told by a producer that she was “unattractive” and could not act.

 Michael Jordan on Doubt

  Corporate Executives on Doubt As A Teachable Moment

“An executive was on his way to see the CEO. All kinds of thoughts were going through his mind. What went wrong? Why did this project fail? What did he miss? He was entrusted with a multi-million dollar project. Everyone knew it was a risk… everything new that hasn’t been tried before usually is. But it was a bold move, which, if worked, could really pay off. What now? Standing in front of his boss, he extended his hand with the letter of resignation. The CEO looked surprised, then slightly irritated. “You cannot be serious,” he said. “I just paid 2 million dollars for all of us to learn a valuable lesson. Now let’s go apply that knowledge and get us on the right path!”

Positive outcome. Great leadership too, wouldn’t you say? But it’s the fear of the opposite outcome that usually stops us from truly innovating, from not holding back.”

        Ekaterina Walter

 Doubt In My Life

In 2009, while living in South Korea, I was guided through meditation for a solo backpacking trip in Mongolia’s Gobi Desert. Yes, you read that correctly: I did, in fact, go on a solo backpacking trip in the Gobi Desert of Mongolia. To say that I experienced doubt in advance and during my time in the desert would be an extreme understatement.  I was petrified! Doubt told me I was not strong enough, I did not have enough faith, and it was impossible to do. Doubt was wrong! At some point, I will write more about my experiences in the desert, but for now, I just wanted to share a personal experience of heightened doubt. I truly thought I was going to die.

What are your experiences with doubt? Has doubt been a paralyzing force in your life or a source of finding strength and courage within yourself?

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Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counselor, Coach and Reiki