5 results for tag: Why Connection Matters

Conflict Resolution: Transform Your Conflict Cycle

Most couples struggle with conflict resolution. They may call it communication, anger issues, conflict avoidance, contempt, manipulation, narcissism, trauma response, triggers, etc., but we are often talking about conflict resolution.

"What is conflict? Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to fear or try to avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way.

When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. Whether you’re experiencing conflict at home, work, or school, learning these skills can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships." Excerpt from Conflict Resolution Skills.
Conflict resolution skills allow us to shift our conflict cycle to create an environment supportive of connection, safety, trust, and intimacy. Trust is the primary component of successful relationships and connections. Creating or rebuilding trust can take time, patience, and a willingness to step outside our comfort zone through conflict resolution....

Porn Addiction, Loneliness and Connection

Porn addiction is increasing at a rapid pace. We know that access to online porn continues to create loneliness, disconnection and porn addiction. But is porn the actual problem? Again, we come back to the findings of Johann Hari. His research and personal experiences, as well as my own, support the theory that addictions are often a lack meaningful connection(s). This applies to porn addiction as well. The work we do in recovery from porn addiction includes focusing on creating new connections, and strengthening those already existing. These connections, and forming new habits can begin the process of feeling safe and a sense of belonging, all foundations of a sustainable recovery....

As Friendships Grow Closer – Jeff Brown

I have been reflecting on this Jeff Brown quote on friendships lately. We tend to focus our efforts towards relationships on our romantic/intimate partnerships and family. But what about friendships? What if we carried the same intention and effort with our main friendships, or, "friendship pods"? I am incredibly grateful for my core group of friends, and how impactful our love, support and collective commitment, is and has been in my life, especially during the height of the pandemic. I am inspired continuously by the willingness of us as individuals and as a group to walk towards challenges, not away.     "As friendships ...

Addiction Is Not The Drugs, It’s The ACEs

Addiction Is Not The Drugs, It's The ACEs. As we learn more and more about addiction, its causes, and recovery, it is not what we thought it was, or at least it is not only what we thought it was. We now know that many addicts experienced trauma(s) and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), adolescent trauma, or multiple traumas resulting in PTSD or complex PTSD (cPTSD). Thanks to the research and work by Johann Hari, we discovered another clue to the cause of addiction, a lack of connection. We will continue to learn and develop better and more holistic treatment and recovery for addicts and alcoholics. This particular article focuses predominantly on addiction to drugs and alcohol, but it mostly definitely applies to the full spectrum of addictions. Many of us have experienced ACEs and much has been documented about the repercussions throughout life. But what about the relationship between ACEs and addiction?Is was what we call addiction just a way of creating comfort, and the illusion of safety through repeated actions to relieve the symptoms of ACEs?What if you felt safe and comfortable in your mind, body and spirit?Do you think you would still need to chase the feeling of numbness/comfort through obsessive behaviors?What if we learned that we have been "treating a stomach ache with an aspirin" all these years?What if we knew definitively that addiction is not the drugs, but something deep inside us, what would shift in you?...

Why Connection Matters

Connection matters. It is easy to forget how important connecting with others is, but connection matters. Having a sense of belonging and acceptance can be essential to our sense of self, safety, and trust. I generally do not publish posts this long, but it felt like all three excerpts helped create a full picture of why connection matters.  I would like to add one element to the discussion of why connection matters.

This is similar to when people use the inaccurate phrase, "You can't love anybody else unless you love yourself first."  My experience has demonstrated that we can't know ourselves without being connected to others to reflect who we really are, not who we want to believe we are, so we feel better about ourselves. I know deep inside that I am a thoughtful, compassionate, and caring human being because those character traits are expressed easily and organically when I am connected with other humans. When I am not connected with other humans, I have to rely on my current self-assessment to determine if those things are true or not. History has taught me, and most of us, that our inner narrative is typically either false or one of many parts of a whole self, not the actual whole person.

The problem with the statement, "You can't love anybody else unless you love yourself first." is that very few people, if any, can love themselves without experiencing love in their life. We need to feel love in order to love ourselves.  We have to actually know what love feels like in order to love ourselves. This is another reason why connection matters.  When we feel connected and have a sense of belonging, is much easier to love ourselves and others. Without feeling love, I can be a bit of a crapshoot....