62 results for tag: Relationship Counseling


Don’t Be Afraid of Being Alone. Be Afraid of Being In A Bad Relationship

Being alone. One of the greatest fears many people experience. Those in difficult and/or toxic relationships debate between being alone and being in a bad relationship often, even daily. Being alone can be a terrifying fear that can create desperation and self-destruction.

How do we know when a relationship has reached the point where being alone is less challenging than being present?...


18 Invaluable Pieces of Advice From Therapists & Counselors

There are not many common pieces of advice from therapists and counselors since we have diverse training, backgrounds, and experiences, but this list seems accurate. The themes around boundaries/saying "no," protecting yourself, and letting go of relationships that are not supporting your growth and peace are essential and agreed upon generally across the field. Of course, your specific situation and circumstances are important to consider as well. My favorite piece of advice from therapists and counselors is first on their list: "Feelings are not facts." I wish we could all integrate this nugget of wisdom into our lives!
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The 3 Core Skills Every Person Needs for Romantic Competence

Romantic competence is not a phrase that has yet reached mainstream culture, but I suspect it will soon enough. Romantic competence includes three core skills: insight, mutuality, and emotional regulation. These skills affect all our relationships, not just romantic relationships. I have reflected on the three skills of romantic competence, wanting to discern if any of the three are necessary. I feel clear that they are all valuable and essential to improving our relationships, especially romantic relationships. I am interested in what you learn from this fascinating article about the work of  Joanne Davila on romantic competence! ...

Great Relationships Are Not Accidents

Great relationships are not accidents. It sounds so simple and obvious that it almost feels like it cannot actually be true. I can almost see a pink and purple bumper sticker on an old Volkswagen Bug written in cute letters. How can something as complicated as relationships be so simple, you ask? Great question! The answer to great relationships is equally simple and obvious: trust. Simple and obvious, yes, easy, not so much. When we speak about trust, most people nod their heads in agreement. If we take a closer look at what trust entails, most of us want to curl up in a little ball under the covers....

Green Flags For Your Relationship

We are all familiar with the "red flags" to be aware of when starting a new relationship. The green flags, however, do not get as much attention. We have possibly spent too much time making sure everyone knows what to avoid in relationships and perhaps not enough focus on what to embrace in relationships. The list of green flags is an attempt to offer another lens to view and assess what is productive and necessary to thrive and prosper in relationships. Of the 6 Little Green Flags That You've Found A Keeper shared below, I would like to focus on just a few of them. Beginning with being your authentic self around them is key. If you feel safe enough around them to not feel like you have to look, sound and/or be different in their presence than you do with your inner circle, it is essential. Or, from the reverse perspective, why would you want to be with someone who does not feel like being yourself is enough or acceptable? ...

Red Flags For Your Relationships

We have all been there, the red flags in a new relationship. When launching a new relationship, we see these little signs that our instincts tell us to "RUN," but we don't listen. They are attractive, fun, or funny; maybe they have a good job or career, or maybe they are just so different than the last relationship that ANYTHING feels like an upgrade. These red flags are not always obvious to us when oxytocin is released in our bodies, and everything feels magical.

"Oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin are often referred to as our “happy hormones.” When you’re attracted to another person, your brain releases dopamine, your serotonin levels increase, and oxytocin is produced. This causes you to feel a surge of positive emotion." Adrienne Santos-Longhurst  on Healthline.

When these hormones are released, we are not always able to make intelligent, thoughtful decisions. We tend to act impulsively and jump into a relationship based on the experiences that these hormones produce in us. We tend to attach good feelings to the person and assume that they are the cause of this newfound sense of joy and vitality. Sometimes they are the reasons we feel the way we do early in the relationship, sometimes it is just these specific hormones are doing what they are supposed to do, create offspring. This is why paying attention to red flags in a new relationship is so vital to its sustainable success and our well-being....

Listening and Learning: Communication During Coronavirus

Listening and learning are two essential skills for creating amazing relationships. This applies to couples and partners, as well as family, friends, and any relationship that is important to us. Coronavirus has amplified the need to focus our attention and energy towards clearer communication, especially listening and learning. From my experience personally and professionally as a couples counselor, I can honestly say that we do not focus enough time and attention on the benefit of learning from each other. Most of us feel like we already know our partners, family, and close friends. We do. We also can improve all relationships in our lives by learning even more about those who are part of our inner circle. Many couples counselors believe what is not said causes more harm in relationships than what is said. Listening and learning can support opportunities to create bridges and stronger, more loving relationships. Does having stronger, more loving relationships appeal to you? If so, I invite you to read Terry Gaspard's article on listening and learning during Corona through The Gottman Institute. I am an enthusiastic supporter of The Gottman Institute and am currently receiving more training in working with couples through their institute....