7 results for tag: Control

You Can’t Change Anyone — You Can Only Make Them Think

We can't change anyone who doesn't want or isn't ready to change. While I was still doing drugs and drinking alcohol, many people wanted me to change. They needed me to change. When I got sober in 1989, I often heard a woman named Claire share, "I didn't see the light. My ass was dragging, and I felt the heat"! This was me. The walls were closing in, and I felt like I had no options. I know that I am not alone in this experience of people wanting or needing someone to change, but they weren't ready or willing. More than twenty-five years of being a social worker, counselor, and coach have demonstrated how we can't change anyone who isn't invested in change. But... we can inspire them. We can offer them a new perspective. We can provide safety, support, and love....

Why I Keep My Car & Desk Messy

Why I Keep My Car & Desk Messy. I have another article published in the elephant journal. Here is an excerpt. The full article can be accessed through the link below. "When I used to consume alcohol and drugs, everything in my life was messy. My bedroom was messy. My refrigerator was messy. My bathroom was messy. My laundry was messy. My car was messy. My relationships were messy. My legal situation was messy. My finances were messy. My friendships were messy. My mind was messy. My body was messy. If I got involved, it would be messy." Please read the full article here Why I Keep My Car & Desk Messy.   I look forward to ...

Stop Trying To Fix Me – I Am Not Broken

I am not broken. As often is the case when we try to "fix" somebody, we inadvertently tell them we think they are broken. Why would something need to be "fixed" if it is not broken? This poem by Jeff Foster is a beautiful Illustration of a person who  has the strength and courage to say, "I am not broken!". I am not lost cat with a broken leg, a muffler or a hot water heater. I am a human being that deserves respect, care, affection and attention. I am not broken. It is not your job to fix me, nor is it wanted or helpful. Love me instead....

Red Flags For Your Relationships

We have all been there, the red flags in a new relationship. When launching a new relationship, we see these little signs that are instincts tell us "RUN" but we don't listen. They are attractive, fun or funny, maybe they have a good job or career or maybe they are just so different than the last relationship that ANYTHING feels like an upgrade. These red flags are not always obvious to us when oxytocin is released in our bodies and everything feels magical.

"Oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin are often referred to as our “happy hormones.” When you’re attracted to another person, your brain releases dopamine, your serotonin levels increase, and oxytocin is produced. This causes you to feel a surge of positive emotion." Adrienne Santos-Longhurst  on Healthline.

When these hormones are released, we are not always able to make intelligent, thoughtful decisions. We tend to act impulsively and jump into a relationship based on the experiences that these hormones produce in us. We tend to attach the good feelings with the person and ASSUME they are the cause of this new found sense of joy and vitality. Sometimes they are the reasons we feel the way we do early in the relationship, sometimes it is just these specific hormones are doing what they are supposed to do, create offspring. This is why paying attention to red flags in a new relationship is so vital to its sustainable success and our wellbeing....

Obsessions and Compulsions: Zen Buddhism Help or Hurt?

Obsessions and compulsions, we all have them. Does Buddhism help or hurt those trying to learn how to live life without being controlled by their obsessions and compulsions? Zen Buddhism can be a very orderly and defined practice. Zen Buddhism is often regimented, or at least many practitioners and teachers practice that way. Our discussion today is whether Zen Buddhism supports recovery of obsessions and compulsions or the actual obsessions and compulsions themselves? Obsession and compulsions Zen Buddhism have a unique relationship, let's explore together.   Obsessions and Compulsions: Zen Buddhism Help or Hurt? - norman-mailer-novelist-quote-obsession-is-the-single-most-wasteful ...

Chaos Can Be Positive

When I read the title of the article, Chaos Can Be Positive; I felt my head shift as if I was questioning the screen itself. I then paused for a second before reading the article. I began reflecting on my interpretation of the word chaos and why I would think chaos is "bad" or at least "not good"? The answer was simple. When I think of chaos, I think of a situation being out of control or without order. Now I see why I assume chaos will generally be "bad". My mind interprets "good" and control as the same. Funny to think of it that way, actually.   Chaos Can Be Positive - Providence Holistic Counseling Services - Carl Jung Chaos ...

Surrender

Surrender. Is there a scarier or more freeing word than surrender? Surrender. I invite you to sit with this word and let it move around in your mind and belly. What does surrender bring up for you? Panic? Fear? Humiliation? Joy? Victory? Success? Freedom? Release?...