3 results for tag: Codependency

You Can’t Change Anyone — You Can Only Make Them Think

We can't change anyone who doesn't want or isn't ready to change. While I was still doing drugs and drinking alcohol, many people wanted me to change. They needed me to change. When I got sober in 1989, I often heard a woman named Claire share, "I didn't see the light. My ass was dragging, and I felt the heat"! This was me. The walls were closing in, and I felt like I had no options. I know that I am not alone in this experience of people wanting or needing someone to change, but they weren't ready or willing. More than twenty-five years of being a social worker, counselor, and coach have demonstrated how we can't change anyone who isn't invested in change. But... we can inspire them. We can offer them a new perspective. We can provide safety, support, and love....

Stop Trying To Fix Me – I Am Not Broken

I am not broken. As often is the case when we try to "fix" somebody, we inadvertently tell them we think they are broken. Why would something need to be "fixed" if it is not broken? This poem by Jeff Foster is a beautiful Illustration of a person who  has the strength and courage to say, "I am not broken!". I am not lost cat with a broken leg, a muffler or a hot water heater. I am a human being that deserves respect, care, affection and attention. I am not broken. It is not your job to fix me, nor is it wanted or helpful. Love me instead....

A Sober and Healthy Life

I remember in the late 80s and early 90s when AA, NA and all of the 12 step programs first began to gain mainstream popularity and support. At the time, there was almost a sense of hysteria about alcoholics and addicts finding a "new" method to create a sober and healthy life. In a matter of just a few years there were registered 164 different 12-step programs based on the structure and foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous. Soon after that the very popular book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie became a bestseller and it seemed as if everybody was claiming they were now a codependent or somebody in their life was a codependent. Codependency was all the rage. It is funny to think that pretty much everybody was claiming somebody or themselves to be either an alcoholic, addict or codependent, as if these were goals to achieve in life. ...