What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy? A Beginners Guide

What is ethical non-monogamy or consensual non-monogamy, and what is not ethical non-monogamy? Ethical non-monogamy is when a couple mutually decides adding other lovers, or romantic or sexual partners to their existing relationship. I want to be clear, ethical non-monogamy is NOT having an affair or one night stand(s) without having your partner's consent and support IN ADVANCE. Since the author of the article below explores what ethical non-monogamy is, I will primarily focus on what it is not. Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) Is Not: Being attracted to someone else and pressuring or manipulating your partner into you being with someone else ...

Green Flags For Your Relationship

We are all familiar with the "red flags" to be aware of when starting a new relationship. The green flags, however, do not get as much attention. We have possibly spent too much time making sure everyone knows what to avoid in relationships, and perhaps not enough focus on what to embrace in relationships. The list of green flags are an attempt to offer another lens to view and assess what is productive and necessary to thrive and prosper in relationships. Of the 6 Little Green Flags That You've Found A Keeper shared below, I would like to focus on just a few of them. Beginning with being able to be your authentic self around them is key. If you feel safe enough around them to not feel like you have to look, sound and/or be different in their presence than you do with your inner circle is essential. Or, from the reverse perspective, why would you want to be with someone that you do not feel like being yourself is enough or acceptable? ...

Red Flags For Your Relationships

We have all been there, the red flags in a new relationship. When launching a new relationship, we see these little signs that are instincts tell us "RUN" but we don't listen. They are attractive, fun or funny, maybe they have a good job or career or maybe they are just so different than the last relationship that ANYTHING feels like an upgrade. These red flags are not always obvious to us when oxytocin is released in our bodies and everything feels magical.

"Oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin are often referred to as our “happy hormones.” When you’re attracted to another person, your brain releases dopamine, your serotonin levels increase, and oxytocin is produced. This causes you to feel a surge of positive emotion." Adrienne Santos-Longhurst on Healthline.

When these hormones are released, we are not always able to make intelligent, thoughtful decisions. We tend to act impulsively and jump into a relationship based on the experiences that these hormones produce in us. We tend to attach the good feelings with the person and ASSUME they are the cause of this new found sense of joy and vitality. Sometimes they are the reasons we feel the way we do early in the relationship, sometimes it is just these specific hormones are doing what they are supposed to do, create offspring. This is why paying attention to red flags in a new relationship is so vital to its sustainable success and our wellbeing....

Listening and Learning: Communication During Coronavirus

Listening and learning are two essential skills towards creating amazing relationships. This applies to couples and partners, as well as family, friends and any relationship that is important to us. Coronavirus has amplified the need to focus our attention and energy towards clearer communication, especially listening and learning. From my experience personally and professionally as a couples counselor, I can honestly say that we do not focus enough time and attention on the benefit of learning from each other. Most of us feel like we already know our partners, family and close friends. We do. We also can improve all relationships in our life by learning even more about those who are part of our inner circle. Many couples counselors believe what is not said causes more harm in relationships than what is said. Listening and learning can support opportunities to create bridges and stronger, more loving relationships. Does having stronger, more loving relationships appeal to you? If so, I invite yo to read Terry Gaspard's article on listening and learning during Corona through The Gottman Institute. I am a enthusiastic supporter of The Gottman Institute and am currently receiving more training in working with couples through their institute....

The Real Reason Women Leave Men – Trust and Safety

I am not a fan of clickbait headlines. I saw this today on The Good Man Project, and that was enough for me to read it and see if there was substance to the sensationalistic tagline. There is definitely content here worth the time to explore why women leave men. Of course, relationships can be very complicated, and the reason Matthew Fray offers is simplistic but valid and credible. I encourage you to invest the time to read his post on why women leave men.

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When Trauma Blocking Gets in the Way

Trauma blocking is an obstacle that many people experience today. We create a "safe" way to cope with experiences that feel too painful to endure. Our nervous system blocks the memory and/or its impact on us, as a means of protecting us. It served an important function when the trauma block initially developed. It may not be serving any longer. We are not the same person we were when this system was created.

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