29 results for tag: Relationship Coach

Do I Need to Heal Before Dating Again?

Do I need to heal before dating again? When is the right time to start dating again after a relationship? And, is the answer different if one is deciding whether they are ready to date or whether they are ready to get into a relationship again?  These are not simple questions to answer, nor are they the same for each one of us. For me, there are five essential questions to answer before dating again. ...

The 3 Core Skills Every Person Needs for Romantic Competence

Romantic competence is not a phrase that has yet reached mainstream culture but I suspect it will soon enough. Romantic competence includes three core skills; insight, mutuality and emotional regulation. These skills effect all our relationships, not just romantic relationships. I have reflected on the three skills of romantic competence wanting to discern if any of the three are not necessary, I feel clear that they are all valuable and essential to improving our relationships, especially romantic relationships. I am interested what you learn from this fascinating article about the work of  Joanne Davila on romantic competence!   ...

Green Flags For Your Relationship

We are all familiar with the "red flags" to be aware of when starting a new relationship. The green flags, however, do not get as much attention. We have possibly spent too much time making sure everyone knows what to avoid in relationships, and perhaps not enough focus on what to embrace in relationships. The list of green flags are an attempt to offer another lens to view and assess what is productive and necessary to thrive and prosper in relationships. Of the 6 Little Green Flags That You've Found A Keeper shared below, I would like to focus on just a few of them. Beginning with being able to be your authentic self around them is key. If you feel safe enough around them to not feel like you have to look, sound and/or be different in their presence than you do with your inner circle is essential. Or, from the reverse perspective, why would you want to be with someone that you do not feel like being yourself is enough or acceptable? ...

Red Flags For Your Relationships

We have all been there, the red flags in a new relationship. When launching a new relationship, we see these little signs that are instincts tell us "RUN" but we don't listen. They are attractive, fun or funny, maybe they have a good job or career or maybe they are just so different than the last relationship that ANYTHING feels like an upgrade. These red flags are not always obvious to us when oxytocin is released in our bodies and everything feels magical.

"Oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin are often referred to as our “happy hormones.” When you’re attracted to another person, your brain releases dopamine, your serotonin levels increase, and oxytocin is produced. This causes you to feel a surge of positive emotion." Adrienne Santos-Longhurst  on Healthline.

When these hormones are released, we are not always able to make intelligent, thoughtful decisions. We tend to act impulsively and jump into a relationship based on the experiences that these hormones produce in us. We tend to attach the good feelings with the person and ASSUME they are the cause of this new found sense of joy and vitality. Sometimes they are the reasons we feel the way we do early in the relationship, sometimes it is just these specific hormones are doing what they are supposed to do, create offspring. This is why paying attention to red flags in a new relationship is so vital to its sustainable success and our wellbeing....

Listening and Learning: Communication During Coronavirus

Listening and learning are two essential skills towards creating amazing relationships. This applies to couples and partners, as well as family, friends and any relationship that is important to us. Coronavirus has amplified the need to focus our attention and energy towards clearer communication, especially listening and learning. From my experience personally and professionally as a couples counselor, I can honestly say that we do not focus enough time and attention on the benefit of learning from each other. Most of us feel like we already know our partners, family and close friends. We do. We also can improve all relationships in our life by learning even more about those who are part of our inner circle. Many couples counselors believe what is not said causes more harm in relationships than what is said. Listening and learning can support opportunities to create bridges and stronger, more loving relationships. Does having stronger, more loving relationships appeal to you? If so, I invite yo to read Terry Gaspard's article on listening and learning during Corona through The Gottman Institute. I am a enthusiastic supporter of The Gottman Institute and am currently receiving more training in working with couples through their institute....

Gender Roles of Listening – It’s Not About The Nail

This short film provides an opportunity for us to explore how gender roles of listening get expressed in relationships. I invite you to pay attention to how this short film effects you. Does it bring up anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, frustration, laughter, or any other emotions? What are your thoughts about your current or previous partners as you watch this short film? Do you find yourself blaming them or yourself for past or current challenges?   https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg ...

Sexy Weakness – The Sexual Power of Emotional Vulnerability

Sexy weakness? What on earth is that? As a man, like millions of others men, I was taught that being vulnerable was bad and a sign of being weak. I was taught women want a man that is strong, stable and "tough" whatever the heck that means. I was taught that you keep your emotions in check and never let anyone see who you really are. Like never. It has taken me decades to unlearn some of this programing. Parts of it were easy and simple to leave behind , other elements took longer and needed more attention and intention. More importantly, women did not feel safe around me, because I didn't feel safe around me or my thoughts. I typically attracted ...